Ive recently begun to think about the way that negative things affect my life. When i am in situations which make me feel small and unimportant, i put on my armour and i battle it out. Right then and there. I pull down the viser and off we go.
What makes me think, however, is what comes after. What comes once the direct confrontation is over and we lie in our bed and contemplate the events of the day?
Im someone who refelcts on things long after they have passed. I can spend hours contemplating the events of the days past and whenever a moment passes which made me feel bad about i cringe. I get this terrible feeling in my gut that grips me and wont let me go. I then need to go out and run for an hour- i literally need to run away from the feelings i have.
When we overhtink the past, we tend to add things to make it worse. We add emotions, moods and visions into the past that really werent there to begin with. When we relive these moments, we falsify them. Often, this is to our complete disadvantage- Whenever i remind myself of some situations, i have to cry out "OMG im SUCH a fool" or "How stupid am I??". We condescend ourselves and make us feel even worse.
In recent times, i've learnt something. If i keep these feelings inside and run away from them, they will follow me. They wont be 100% present, but they will sit there- waiting patiently until I no longer think of them and then they will crawl up on me and eat me. And they will continue to do so until i tell them to stop! So, ive begun to cry. Yes, im a grown woman and I cry. I cry when the feelings overwhelm me and i hve no place left to go because they follow me. Funny thing is, once ive cried, the feelings go. They find some other place to stay- maybe Maui, who knows?
Ultimately, we cannot run away from our feelings of insecurity and self-loathing- we can only make them worse. So: face them, fight them and then cry. Cry it out loud.
Mittwoch, 29. Juni 2011
Donnerstag, 5. Mai 2011
The Zone
When you're far away from home, your perspective shifts. You're removed from your life and placed in a surrounding of silence- there is no more movement, there is but silence and calm. Its in these moments that i manage to reflect best on my life and the path i've walked.
In these "zero moments" which i find define my life the most. It is in these moments that i see clearly through the fog and the numbness of everyday life. Its these moments thatb define who i will be.
When we're far away from our usual 24/7 lives, we change. We find new starting points, new corners to grab hold onto...a new outlook. When we leave the sheleterd womb of our home, we are able to spread our wings and fly.
Why? how?
When we are in our ususal environment, we are stuck in a rut. There is no reason to evolve, to change or to adapt because everything is working as it always has. When we are forced to leave that comfort, when we have to let go of what was comfortable and safe. Letting go is always difficult, but at the end its what makes us strong.
Recently, i've let go of a person who made me feel i was unimportant and small. I had to step out of my comfort zone, i stumbled a couple of times but ultimately i am now a better person because of it.
Whats funny is that once you let go of all the things in your life that make you feel small and unimportnat you re-attach yourself to your value.
Find you value by getting out of the zone!!
In these "zero moments" which i find define my life the most. It is in these moments that i see clearly through the fog and the numbness of everyday life. Its these moments thatb define who i will be.
When we're far away from our usual 24/7 lives, we change. We find new starting points, new corners to grab hold onto...a new outlook. When we leave the sheleterd womb of our home, we are able to spread our wings and fly.
Why? how?
When we are in our ususal environment, we are stuck in a rut. There is no reason to evolve, to change or to adapt because everything is working as it always has. When we are forced to leave that comfort, when we have to let go of what was comfortable and safe. Letting go is always difficult, but at the end its what makes us strong.
Recently, i've let go of a person who made me feel i was unimportant and small. I had to step out of my comfort zone, i stumbled a couple of times but ultimately i am now a better person because of it.
Whats funny is that once you let go of all the things in your life that make you feel small and unimportnat you re-attach yourself to your value.
Find you value by getting out of the zone!!
Mittwoch, 13. April 2011
How to save my life
Yesterday, i told the person i love how i felt about him. I told him straight out what i felt and that i wanted to be with him. You know what his answer was? "I dont think so". Right out. To my face. "I dont think so". Of course this episode brought me back to the feeling of humiliation i've been experiencing for the past 5 years. I thought i had gotten stronger, that things like these would no longer affect me, but i realize now that i was wrong.
How do you come back from something like that? How do you put yourself back together after such an apocalypse?
When we tell people how we feel about them, we ultimately make ourselves vulnerable. We feel naked infront of the person, we feel like there is no way things will ever be ok again. And right now thats the way i feel. I feel like my life will never be ok; that i will never ever be able to be happy again. Why?
The answer "I dont think so" broke me. It broke me into pieces and spat me back out in a milion pieces. I was sure of myself for a bit, i thought i could conquer the world and make it mine. With his negative answer he broke all of that. He made me feel small and insignificant again. He gave me the feeling that i wasnt enough, that i wasnt good enough for him.
It never ceases to make me wonder how other people manage to have such an effect on us. Other people can make and break us. All in one day, in one motion and in one sentence. Shouldnt we be happy or unhappy with ourselves because of what WE do and not because of others?
The more i think about my situation the more i realize something: It's not about me. There can be a milion reasons why "He doesnt think so". Maybe he's gay, maybe hes not ready, maybe hes not into relationships, maybe hes married... after all its not about me personally but about the situation. Its not us. Its circumstance.
At the end of it all, there is no medication for the pain. There is no way we can save ourselves from the trouble all we can do is hope to survive. We need to realize that rejection isnt about ourselves but about everything around us. People may be able to break us but WE can put ourselves back together! Dont let others hurt you and make you feel small because you are amazing in every single way.
The good thing with pain is that it always ends up going away!
How do you come back from something like that? How do you put yourself back together after such an apocalypse?
When we tell people how we feel about them, we ultimately make ourselves vulnerable. We feel naked infront of the person, we feel like there is no way things will ever be ok again. And right now thats the way i feel. I feel like my life will never be ok; that i will never ever be able to be happy again. Why?
The answer "I dont think so" broke me. It broke me into pieces and spat me back out in a milion pieces. I was sure of myself for a bit, i thought i could conquer the world and make it mine. With his negative answer he broke all of that. He made me feel small and insignificant again. He gave me the feeling that i wasnt enough, that i wasnt good enough for him.
It never ceases to make me wonder how other people manage to have such an effect on us. Other people can make and break us. All in one day, in one motion and in one sentence. Shouldnt we be happy or unhappy with ourselves because of what WE do and not because of others?
The more i think about my situation the more i realize something: It's not about me. There can be a milion reasons why "He doesnt think so". Maybe he's gay, maybe hes not ready, maybe hes not into relationships, maybe hes married... after all its not about me personally but about the situation. Its not us. Its circumstance.
At the end of it all, there is no medication for the pain. There is no way we can save ourselves from the trouble all we can do is hope to survive. We need to realize that rejection isnt about ourselves but about everything around us. People may be able to break us but WE can put ourselves back together! Dont let others hurt you and make you feel small because you are amazing in every single way.
The good thing with pain is that it always ends up going away!
Montag, 31. Januar 2011
Love 2 for 1
Hello Cavenders! Yes its been a long time since i last threw some pseudo-wisdom into the world and i apologize from the bottom of my heart. Nonetheless, i have some very interesting things to say this week, so here we go...
I've recently spoken to a long time girlfriend of mine and she told me the following: she loves two men. I am one of the people who believed that you could only ever love one person at a time. Notice i used the past tense; what my friend said made me think...
She has a boyfriend she loves very much- someone who makes her feel safe and secure and they have been together for a really long time and they are happy. Yet at the same time, she met someone at a function and they talk and get along very well. There is nothing physical going on but he makes her feel alive, vibrant and insanely good about herself. At first, she told me, she tried to fight it because she felt it was wrong, because of what society tells us about monogamy etc. Yet there came a point when she could no longer pretend that there wasnt something between them. She has not gotten physical with this man but they talk a lot and he compliments her constantly.
Many of you will be screaming "cheater" right now but i dont think its that easy. When you have been seeing someone for over four years, the "zazazoo" is gone. It gets replaced by the deep feeling of love and appreciation for one another. Nonetheless, that excitement of the first few months is gone- its all natural. If you find someone who gives you that fire back, without it getting physical between you two, it can only benefit you and in turn your relationship. Im not trying to give you free passes for cheating on your other half but maybe the idea of monogamy is outdated. Maybe we need more than one love in our lives in order to feel complete.
My friend has not told her boyfriend about the other man, because, in her words, "there is nothing to tell". She wont let it get physical and what is happening between them is so platonic that, by telling her man, she fears she'll damage his ego and spark fights. She loves him dearly and deeply and when this whole story stared she was devestated. She felt like she was being the worst girlfriend in the world. After weeks of forcing herself to forget man nr. 2 she was hit with the realisation that this was, for the time being, impossible. So she accepted it and made do with the situation by adjusting to it. By accepting the situation and adapting to it, she could deal with her feelings and move on with her life.
When it comes to love and relationships, you need to go with what feels best for you. If it feels right to love two men, without hurting yourself or the other person in your relationship, go for it. Love is supposed to be comfortable- no matter how many people it may involve.
Donnerstag, 6. Januar 2011
Beauty Queen?
I've recently begun reading a abulous book from the much dreaded and avoided "Self Help" Aisle in Barnes and Noble: "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary. Its a book that allows you, in 365 steps, to aquire more self-esteem and to love you the way you are. Yes dear readers, i have issues too. :)
In any case, she proposed the following task: Write down what you feel makes a perosn beautiful. I did. You want to know what i wrote? "Confidence, a great smile, laughter, grace, warmth, " Notice how all of these things have nothing to do with the way that someone looks? With the way that their body lookr or the way that they dress? This got me thinking about something else: If we percieve beauty to be about interior things, then why do we bother to turn ourselves into the person we feel we should LOOK like?
I was into a guy once that loved it when i straightened my naturally curly and unruly hair. Previosuly, i used to straighten my hair on occasion i.e. a night out on the town or Christmas, but now i found myself doing it ALL THE TIME when i felt like i had the chance of bumping into him. Im a high-heels girl- i feel like im short so i try to wear my "stilts" as often as i can. When my crush said that he loved me in Ballerinas- guess what i did? Yep, i wore ballerinas 24/7. I turned myself from the person i was into the person i hoped he'd find attractive. I changed the wasy i look to please a man. I still cringe while writing this.
A few weeks passed and i discovered that the guy wasnt who i hoped he would be. SO guess what i did? I took great care at making my hair as curly as possible and i wore the HIGHEST shoes i owned everytime i would risk being around him. It was my way of demonstrating that i no longer cared about him. This is behaviour that is apparently very common behaviour amongst us humans- males and females alike.
HOWEVER, when we define beauty we define it with interor values such as confidence, charm or great sense of humour. Why is it that we leave aside all that we feel beautiful only to occupy ourselves with exterrior things such as hair and outfits? At the end of the day, all we really want to do is please the person we are into. Thus, we throw overboard all our instincts and better judgements and we turn ourselves into the person we hope they find attractive. Heres the thing: chances are high that they too find people beautiful because they are graceful and confident and less because we wear all stars and slacks.
No matter who the person may be, if they dont find you beautiful because of who you are, they suck. So stop trying to please the other person by turning yourself into someone you're not and embrace what YOU feel is beautiful. Because thats what you are: Beautiful. In every single way possible!!
In any case, she proposed the following task: Write down what you feel makes a perosn beautiful. I did. You want to know what i wrote? "Confidence, a great smile, laughter, grace, warmth, " Notice how all of these things have nothing to do with the way that someone looks? With the way that their body lookr or the way that they dress? This got me thinking about something else: If we percieve beauty to be about interior things, then why do we bother to turn ourselves into the person we feel we should LOOK like?
I was into a guy once that loved it when i straightened my naturally curly and unruly hair. Previosuly, i used to straighten my hair on occasion i.e. a night out on the town or Christmas, but now i found myself doing it ALL THE TIME when i felt like i had the chance of bumping into him. Im a high-heels girl- i feel like im short so i try to wear my "stilts" as often as i can. When my crush said that he loved me in Ballerinas- guess what i did? Yep, i wore ballerinas 24/7. I turned myself from the person i was into the person i hoped he'd find attractive. I changed the wasy i look to please a man. I still cringe while writing this.
A few weeks passed and i discovered that the guy wasnt who i hoped he would be. SO guess what i did? I took great care at making my hair as curly as possible and i wore the HIGHEST shoes i owned everytime i would risk being around him. It was my way of demonstrating that i no longer cared about him. This is behaviour that is apparently very common behaviour amongst us humans- males and females alike.
HOWEVER, when we define beauty we define it with interor values such as confidence, charm or great sense of humour. Why is it that we leave aside all that we feel beautiful only to occupy ourselves with exterrior things such as hair and outfits? At the end of the day, all we really want to do is please the person we are into. Thus, we throw overboard all our instincts and better judgements and we turn ourselves into the person we hope they find attractive. Heres the thing: chances are high that they too find people beautiful because they are graceful and confident and less because we wear all stars and slacks.
No matter who the person may be, if they dont find you beautiful because of who you are, they suck. So stop trying to please the other person by turning yourself into someone you're not and embrace what YOU feel is beautiful. Because thats what you are: Beautiful. In every single way possible!!
Montag, 27. Dezember 2010
Gut Feeling
Merry Christmas Cavenders!
I am a total thinker- i over obsess about every little situation, about everything going on in my life constantly. I analyze, i weigh out pros and cons and i try to figure out what is the best decision. Yet recently ive come to realize that maybe, in matters of the heart, one should trust their gut.
I went to meeting a few months ago with someone i know from a former job, and before the meeting, my gut was twisted in a knot. I had hot and cold flashes, my nerves were up in the air and i didnt know why. I had weighed out the pros and cons of this meeting, i figured out what it would mean to me if i went and what it would mean if i didnt. Yet my gut was acting up.
Ultimately, my gut was right. The lunch, even though it was fun, it was tough. It was very strange to me- i was not easy around this person. I felt cooped up, twisted, wound up so tight i couldnt breathe. Yes, the conversation was fun and it was a short-lived 30minutes but on the inside, i felt watched, uneasy and completely lost. Was my gut telling me this all along?
Gut feeling is a small part of what nature left us - our instinct. Gut feeling prepares us for the worst, gets us to bolt when it gets dangerous and tells us to take a leap of faith when the time is right. So how come we so rarely trust it?
We have grown up to think everything over, to ponder pros and cons of everything we do - did we loose our ability to trust our instincts? When we think everything over a hundred times, does it really get better? Do our decisions come easier when we thought out every angle? Can we ever figure out every angle? Life is so compliacted and we complicate it even more by bringing too much thinking into it. When we think everything over all the time we loose the sense of what is real and what is not. We loose grasp of the real situation and we block out our instincts only to replace them with toughts.
The problem with our thoughts is that they are always connected to the past, to what we have lived and to where we stand in our lives. Our thoughts and ideas are not realistic but flawed by our perceptions of what is around us. Our instincts, however, are pure, they are raw, they are unpretentious. They dont care who we are or what we do in our lives- they react to our surroundings.
Comming back to my meeting- looking back, maybe it was good that i went. I realized that maybe this person doesnt belong in my life. On the other hand, did i really need this tightness in my chest ? Did i need to feel the way i felt? Should i have listened to my gut? Should i have followed my instincts and run the other way?
Maybe its time that we trust our guts, that we trust what mother nature gave us to protect us. Trust your gut!
I am a total thinker- i over obsess about every little situation, about everything going on in my life constantly. I analyze, i weigh out pros and cons and i try to figure out what is the best decision. Yet recently ive come to realize that maybe, in matters of the heart, one should trust their gut.
I went to meeting a few months ago with someone i know from a former job, and before the meeting, my gut was twisted in a knot. I had hot and cold flashes, my nerves were up in the air and i didnt know why. I had weighed out the pros and cons of this meeting, i figured out what it would mean to me if i went and what it would mean if i didnt. Yet my gut was acting up.
Ultimately, my gut was right. The lunch, even though it was fun, it was tough. It was very strange to me- i was not easy around this person. I felt cooped up, twisted, wound up so tight i couldnt breathe. Yes, the conversation was fun and it was a short-lived 30minutes but on the inside, i felt watched, uneasy and completely lost. Was my gut telling me this all along?
Gut feeling is a small part of what nature left us - our instinct. Gut feeling prepares us for the worst, gets us to bolt when it gets dangerous and tells us to take a leap of faith when the time is right. So how come we so rarely trust it?
We have grown up to think everything over, to ponder pros and cons of everything we do - did we loose our ability to trust our instincts? When we think everything over a hundred times, does it really get better? Do our decisions come easier when we thought out every angle? Can we ever figure out every angle? Life is so compliacted and we complicate it even more by bringing too much thinking into it. When we think everything over all the time we loose the sense of what is real and what is not. We loose grasp of the real situation and we block out our instincts only to replace them with toughts.
The problem with our thoughts is that they are always connected to the past, to what we have lived and to where we stand in our lives. Our thoughts and ideas are not realistic but flawed by our perceptions of what is around us. Our instincts, however, are pure, they are raw, they are unpretentious. They dont care who we are or what we do in our lives- they react to our surroundings.
Comming back to my meeting- looking back, maybe it was good that i went. I realized that maybe this person doesnt belong in my life. On the other hand, did i really need this tightness in my chest ? Did i need to feel the way i felt? Should i have listened to my gut? Should i have followed my instincts and run the other way?
Maybe its time that we trust our guts, that we trust what mother nature gave us to protect us. Trust your gut!
Dienstag, 23. November 2010
Fight it
There are moments in our lives where everything just goes wrong. Nothing seems to work out, everything has turned against you. Once we have overcome the scare of these events, any situation resembling them automatically makes our plams sweat and our heart race. Do you remember those moments in your life where you were so scared of falling that you barely made it out of your front door?
In life, we are confronted by various obstacles- each and every day. Its starts with school, when you're not cool enough to sit with the "in" crowd at Lunch, it continues on to where you meet the girl of your dreams but she couldnt care less about who you are and it finishes where you loose your job and your mortage and end up on the street. Life can be a bitch. Sad, true fact.
What makes matters even worse are those people around us who seemingly never fall. That coworker who laughs off even the biggest mistake and never once doubts himself. That fit guy who never think twice about the girl who blew him off in a bar. The suave business woman opposite you who seems unbothered by snide remarks by her male counterparts. There are people out there who seemingly take any downfall and turn it into something positive. They are unfazed by life and just move on. I envy these people. I truly do. It takes me days to get over a stupid comment made by some sales girl.
What do these people have that we dont? WHat is it that gives them to power to pick up where they left off, without doubt or fear? Its a little thing we call confidence and self-esteem. These people are usually quite sure of themselves and their capabilities. Dont get this wrong, they arent arrogant and full of themselves, they simply know what they have achieved in their lives and how hard they have worked to get there. This confidence comes from the fact that they have had to work hard to be who they are and they arent willing to let people who have no relationship to or with them ruin what they've built.
The strengh to face defeat and come out fierce as eveer comes from the fight itself. Have you ever had to fight in order to get somewhere or to obtain something that you really desired? Remember how strong and invincible that made you feel? Its precicely that feeling which these strong individuals live off that makes them so strong. They know what they have had to fight for.
Next time something gets you down or someone tries to play you, remember that you have fought to be who you are. You have achieved great things in your life and you deserve respect for that. You are fabulous. You are a fighter.
So fight them!!!
In life, we are confronted by various obstacles- each and every day. Its starts with school, when you're not cool enough to sit with the "in" crowd at Lunch, it continues on to where you meet the girl of your dreams but she couldnt care less about who you are and it finishes where you loose your job and your mortage and end up on the street. Life can be a bitch. Sad, true fact.
What makes matters even worse are those people around us who seemingly never fall. That coworker who laughs off even the biggest mistake and never once doubts himself. That fit guy who never think twice about the girl who blew him off in a bar. The suave business woman opposite you who seems unbothered by snide remarks by her male counterparts. There are people out there who seemingly take any downfall and turn it into something positive. They are unfazed by life and just move on. I envy these people. I truly do. It takes me days to get over a stupid comment made by some sales girl.
What do these people have that we dont? WHat is it that gives them to power to pick up where they left off, without doubt or fear? Its a little thing we call confidence and self-esteem. These people are usually quite sure of themselves and their capabilities. Dont get this wrong, they arent arrogant and full of themselves, they simply know what they have achieved in their lives and how hard they have worked to get there. This confidence comes from the fact that they have had to work hard to be who they are and they arent willing to let people who have no relationship to or with them ruin what they've built.
The strengh to face defeat and come out fierce as eveer comes from the fight itself. Have you ever had to fight in order to get somewhere or to obtain something that you really desired? Remember how strong and invincible that made you feel? Its precicely that feeling which these strong individuals live off that makes them so strong. They know what they have had to fight for.
Next time something gets you down or someone tries to play you, remember that you have fought to be who you are. You have achieved great things in your life and you deserve respect for that. You are fabulous. You are a fighter.
So fight them!!!
Mittwoch, 27. Oktober 2010
Too much to ask?
Having recently visited a girlfriend of mine sick with a broken spirit i've come to wonder about the rules of "getting involved" What should you do when getting involved with someone and what shouldnt you do? What is too much to ask?
My friend was interning at a company for 3 Months where she came acorss a man whom she first found to be totally bland yet after 1 month she felt weirdly drawn to him. They started talking, sending an average of 50 e-mails a day and having long phone conversations. He complemented her, she gave him her best smile. They never actually went on a date outside of their office life, but things apparently steamed up. Then she got a fixed job at another company and things magically changed. Gone were the flirty e-mails, she almost had to badger him into keeping contact. Until one day, she had anough of the humiliation and went cold turkey. No e-mails, no SMS, no calls. Nothing. She played dead. Shes still at it as we speak. This behaviour has forced me to ask myself the question: what are rules in situations like this? Is it ok to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days?
When my friend asked her little boy toy why he had such trouble keeping in touch with her, his reply made me gasp with shock "When im at work i tend to forget". Yes, i understand that we all have busy lives and that our job takes up most of our 24hrs. Yet how realistic is it to say "i forget you" to someone who, when sitting 3 desks away from you, got an average of 50 e-mails a day from you? Does it really take that much effort to write a simple "Hey whats up?" e-mail?
Our dear friend then went on to saying "i dont want to bother you 24/7" which is an admirable comment. HOWEVER, going stone cold and dead silent kinda sends the wrong message. Its charming that you dont want to bother the girl, but when you go from saying things like "You're so charming, you'0re more than i had ever expected" to zero communication, the other person will inevitably be asking questions.
When my friend, as a final attempt, told the man that she wanted to see results or shed be gone his reply was that he would give it his best but that he really wasnt good at keeping in touch but that hed try. After that, it took him 5 days to send a stupid little sms that was quite clearly not meant sincerely. It was then and there that my friend went into cold turkey mode.
Was his behaviour ok? From my point of view, and out of loyalty to my friend, id say no. No matter what happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, you should always remember to be respectful to the people around you. By saying charming things to someone, by offering them gifts or smiles, you nourture hopes in the other person. If these then turn out to be false, you should be big enough to tell the other person. Dont just play dead. Its unfair, childish and definately unneccessary!!! If you like the other person you should make the effort- even if it demands planning and organisation. Dont give the other person the feelings that their worthless!!
My friend had been humiliated by this man, humiliated because he made her feel stupid and worthless. Noone has the right to make another person feel this way- no matter how rich or powerful you are. By his awful conduct, this man has not only lost my respect but also one of the most amazing women on this planet.
Respect and Dedication are never too much to ask!
My friend was interning at a company for 3 Months where she came acorss a man whom she first found to be totally bland yet after 1 month she felt weirdly drawn to him. They started talking, sending an average of 50 e-mails a day and having long phone conversations. He complemented her, she gave him her best smile. They never actually went on a date outside of their office life, but things apparently steamed up. Then she got a fixed job at another company and things magically changed. Gone were the flirty e-mails, she almost had to badger him into keeping contact. Until one day, she had anough of the humiliation and went cold turkey. No e-mails, no SMS, no calls. Nothing. She played dead. Shes still at it as we speak. This behaviour has forced me to ask myself the question: what are rules in situations like this? Is it ok to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days?
When my friend asked her little boy toy why he had such trouble keeping in touch with her, his reply made me gasp with shock "When im at work i tend to forget". Yes, i understand that we all have busy lives and that our job takes up most of our 24hrs. Yet how realistic is it to say "i forget you" to someone who, when sitting 3 desks away from you, got an average of 50 e-mails a day from you? Does it really take that much effort to write a simple "Hey whats up?" e-mail?
Our dear friend then went on to saying "i dont want to bother you 24/7" which is an admirable comment. HOWEVER, going stone cold and dead silent kinda sends the wrong message. Its charming that you dont want to bother the girl, but when you go from saying things like "You're so charming, you'0re more than i had ever expected" to zero communication, the other person will inevitably be asking questions.
When my friend, as a final attempt, told the man that she wanted to see results or shed be gone his reply was that he would give it his best but that he really wasnt good at keeping in touch but that hed try. After that, it took him 5 days to send a stupid little sms that was quite clearly not meant sincerely. It was then and there that my friend went into cold turkey mode.
Was his behaviour ok? From my point of view, and out of loyalty to my friend, id say no. No matter what happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, you should always remember to be respectful to the people around you. By saying charming things to someone, by offering them gifts or smiles, you nourture hopes in the other person. If these then turn out to be false, you should be big enough to tell the other person. Dont just play dead. Its unfair, childish and definately unneccessary!!! If you like the other person you should make the effort- even if it demands planning and organisation. Dont give the other person the feelings that their worthless!!
My friend had been humiliated by this man, humiliated because he made her feel stupid and worthless. Noone has the right to make another person feel this way- no matter how rich or powerful you are. By his awful conduct, this man has not only lost my respect but also one of the most amazing women on this planet.
Respect and Dedication are never too much to ask!
Mittwoch, 20. Oktober 2010
Soundcheck
Recently, i was watching an MTV Masters on the Greatest Things Done For Love. Part of these great love declarations was Chris M.s promise to his wife Gwyneth P. that he would never again play a song he had dedicated to his ex girlfriend. A few days after this, a friend of mine told me that she couldnt listen to a particular song any longer, even though she loved it, because she had dedicated it to a man who had turned out to be not what she needed. This brings me to the question- why do we dedicate songs to people? Why do we attach songs to a person only to find that once we no longer care for this person we cannot listen to the song anymore, no matter how much we cherished it?!
Music is a huge part of our culture- not only since MTV, VH1 and the likes have taken over out TVs. Music is entertainment, art and life. Have you ever counted how many people in the bus, tram or train have their earplugs in from start to finish? How many of us turn on the radio / Ipod first thing in the morning to get a good start to the day?
Music makes up a huge part of our lives so its not surprising that we attach it to our surroundings. The classic wedding song for many is Pachelbels Canon- and as soon as we hear the first notes we automatically think of weddings, of walking down the isle, of a life together. We have become like Pavlovs Dogs- conditioned to a specific response at a certain sound.
What are reasons that we react a specific way to a certain song? When Greys Anatomy introduced its second season with the song "How to save a life" by The Fray it hit the Charts within a few hours. The song became so connected with the story between Derek and Meredith that people all over the world, still today, connect this song to love.
When Princess Diana died and Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral, this sond became automatically conected to this beautiful yet lonely woman.
In the movie "Pretty Woman" when Julia R. leaves Richard G. in his hotel room saying she cant be with him and Roxettes "It must have been love" comes on, people cried. They still do upon hearing the song.
We use music to attach a certain mood to people in our lives- we want to remember the moments we shared by using a song dear to us. However, feelings and emotions change and we are left with a song that makes us cringe each time we hear it. Its only once we have put enough distance between us and the person the song reminds us of, can we enjoy the music and let go of the past.
At the end of it all, we use music to express emotions- sadness, joy, excitement. We use music to remember the good times, the bad times and the worst of times. Every song, no matter how hard it makes us cringe, will be part of your personal soundtrack.
Its the sound of your life!
Music is a huge part of our culture- not only since MTV, VH1 and the likes have taken over out TVs. Music is entertainment, art and life. Have you ever counted how many people in the bus, tram or train have their earplugs in from start to finish? How many of us turn on the radio / Ipod first thing in the morning to get a good start to the day?
Music makes up a huge part of our lives so its not surprising that we attach it to our surroundings. The classic wedding song for many is Pachelbels Canon- and as soon as we hear the first notes we automatically think of weddings, of walking down the isle, of a life together. We have become like Pavlovs Dogs- conditioned to a specific response at a certain sound.
What are reasons that we react a specific way to a certain song? When Greys Anatomy introduced its second season with the song "How to save a life" by The Fray it hit the Charts within a few hours. The song became so connected with the story between Derek and Meredith that people all over the world, still today, connect this song to love.
When Princess Diana died and Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral, this sond became automatically conected to this beautiful yet lonely woman.
In the movie "Pretty Woman" when Julia R. leaves Richard G. in his hotel room saying she cant be with him and Roxettes "It must have been love" comes on, people cried. They still do upon hearing the song.
We use music to attach a certain mood to people in our lives- we want to remember the moments we shared by using a song dear to us. However, feelings and emotions change and we are left with a song that makes us cringe each time we hear it. Its only once we have put enough distance between us and the person the song reminds us of, can we enjoy the music and let go of the past.
At the end of it all, we use music to express emotions- sadness, joy, excitement. We use music to remember the good times, the bad times and the worst of times. Every song, no matter how hard it makes us cringe, will be part of your personal soundtrack.
Its the sound of your life!
Dienstag, 21. September 2010
Cheeet-ah!!
Its another week full of questiosn to be answered Cavenders!
After having spent a weekend in the midst of all my fabulous friends, i was struck by one particular question: When are you cheating?
Relationships are supposedly built on trust and committment- yet what is the line that distinguishes harmless flirting from full on cheating?
A friend of mine had recently begun writing e-mails with a guy she met at a bar- flirty e-mails, filled with whit and humour. She didnt mention to Mr. Vodka-Martini that she was, in fact, in a relationship. Does the mere fact that you dont mention your partner right away constitute cheating? To be honest, i am sick and tired of people saying "i have a boyfriend/ girlfriend" when all you wanted to do is ask for a light. However, when engaging in cute e-mails with a stranger, should you mention your other half? If its going to stay with the whitty banter is there any reason to mention them at all?
The situation gets more complicated with my other friend who has recently met someone who has "relit his spark" after he had been in a stable relationship for some time. He didnt stick to the smart and funny e-mails- he got involved in some kissing action. This is where you part the sea: is kissing already cheating? When involved in a relationship for some time, inevitably, the spark can go to low-flame. A recent piece in the wonderful ELLE Magazine actually asked the question whether we were to quick to let go of our relationships? When the spark we once felt when looking at our partner only gives the odd "pop" is it time to go your own way or should you find a way to relight the flame you once had?
My friend actually realized, after the kissing inccident, that the woman no longer interested him- it had been all about the chase. Those wild feelings when you ask yourself whether he will call and when a wink or a smile from the other person can make or break your day. He had found the excitement of those first few dates exhilerating- and exhileration missing from a couple who had been once around the block. New people are exciting and can make your "old" flame look tranished. However, once you've conquered what you've coveteing, you realize that- having it makes it boring. Its lost that special "i need to fight for it" aura.
We constantly crave what we dont have, only to realize that having it means nothing. It is the chase, the anxiety of the unknown, the thrill of the work you have to put into it- yet once all that is over, its like all the other things you already have. It looses its excitement.
The question remaining is: should you tell the other person?
Dienstag, 14. September 2010
What if?
Why cavenders, the days fly by and we've officially said good bye to summer! Was it everything you had hoped for? Did you fulfill your dreams and aspirations?
This week i've been wondering about finding "Mr Right". Every person on this planet is searching for the one person who will complete them and will pass over many who are deemed not "The One". I've come to wonder- is there such a thing as "Mr. Right" or is he (she) simply a figment of our imagination which makes us bypass the people we really should be dating. "He so isnt right for you"- i've often heard people say that to friends. What is RIGHT?
There are millions of people walking this earth and each single one is looking for another, single person. Talk about unrealistic. How can we expect to find a single person on this planet to complete us? What if its all a scham? What if there is not a single person out there, but several. What if there is no "Mr. Right" but a "Mr. Right Now" ?
Ive met many people who were smitten with someone but passed by the opportunity to get to know them because they werent "right". What if that was the biggest mistake they could have made? We search for perfection while forgetting that we're imperfect ourselves. We bypass people because we are looking for someone who is but a figment of our imagination. We are so set on the idea of the perfect partner that we miss the amazing people we meet on our way.
Ive been a victim of the "Mr. Right" search: i was looking for someone who was perfect: intelligent, well built, funny, good looking, multi-lingual etc etc that i completely missed the amazing person right under my nose. Yet when you let go of your expectations, you will find amazing people right by your side.
What if you've missed the person who will make you happier than Mr. Right could ever have?
This week i've been wondering about finding "Mr Right". Every person on this planet is searching for the one person who will complete them and will pass over many who are deemed not "The One". I've come to wonder- is there such a thing as "Mr. Right" or is he (she) simply a figment of our imagination which makes us bypass the people we really should be dating. "He so isnt right for you"- i've often heard people say that to friends. What is RIGHT?
There are millions of people walking this earth and each single one is looking for another, single person. Talk about unrealistic. How can we expect to find a single person on this planet to complete us? What if its all a scham? What if there is not a single person out there, but several. What if there is no "Mr. Right" but a "Mr. Right Now" ?
Ive met many people who were smitten with someone but passed by the opportunity to get to know them because they werent "right". What if that was the biggest mistake they could have made? We search for perfection while forgetting that we're imperfect ourselves. We bypass people because we are looking for someone who is but a figment of our imagination. We are so set on the idea of the perfect partner that we miss the amazing people we meet on our way.
Ive been a victim of the "Mr. Right" search: i was looking for someone who was perfect: intelligent, well built, funny, good looking, multi-lingual etc etc that i completely missed the amazing person right under my nose. Yet when you let go of your expectations, you will find amazing people right by your side.
What if you've missed the person who will make you happier than Mr. Right could ever have?
Montag, 6. September 2010
Sugar and Spice
Good Morning Cavenders,
Another Monday, another start to a great week!
I was recently involved in a discussion with a friend of mine, a discussion during which my friend questioned my motives on a certain subject. She said freely and openly what she had to say, even if some of the things werent positive. Nonetheless, it was what was on her mind and i was open to hear it. At the end of the evening, when we had settled what we had to discuss, she said to me "I hope you're not mad at me for saying what i did." and that struck me. In a friendship, arent you supposed to say what is on your mind? Isnt a friendship exactly about being honest to one another and not having to say "im sorry" after?
In a friendship, should you be brutally honest or should you sugarcoat your feelings?
During this discussion with my dear friend, she did say things that hit me hard, but those were her feelings, those were her inquiries and she had the right to ask what she asked. Surely, i thought "No way" on some accounts but what we do and what others see can be two different pairs of shoes! A true, good friendhsip should always be based upon honesty- and honesty sometimes stings. Things which are perfectly clear to you can be obscure and incomprehensible to those around you. So your friends are really the only way to see yourself clearly- whether we like it or not.
I like to think of myself as someone whom you can't define. You cant fit me into a box or category and im proud of that. However, that ingenouity comes at a cost. People will always have an oppinion about you- as they cant define who you are they try to "figure you out" because you scare them and make them uneasy. Everyone is one way or another, so why cant you be? is the question often asked. I dont care much for their thoughs, as long as they are people i a, dont like or b, dont even know. Thats where my friends come in handy. They know me, they can define me, and they will let me know when my behaviour has gone from ingenue to insane. Thats why i love them. They are honest with me, they are open, they tell me exactly how it is.
Its rare that one finds people who arent around to please you but are around for whom you are. Friendships should always be about honesty and openness. You should never have to sugarcoat your feelings with your friends because they know you and they will not take it the wrong way if you tell them when something is wrong.
If they do, they're not our true friend. Its that simple!
Another Monday, another start to a great week!
I was recently involved in a discussion with a friend of mine, a discussion during which my friend questioned my motives on a certain subject. She said freely and openly what she had to say, even if some of the things werent positive. Nonetheless, it was what was on her mind and i was open to hear it. At the end of the evening, when we had settled what we had to discuss, she said to me "I hope you're not mad at me for saying what i did." and that struck me. In a friendship, arent you supposed to say what is on your mind? Isnt a friendship exactly about being honest to one another and not having to say "im sorry" after?
In a friendship, should you be brutally honest or should you sugarcoat your feelings?
During this discussion with my dear friend, she did say things that hit me hard, but those were her feelings, those were her inquiries and she had the right to ask what she asked. Surely, i thought "No way" on some accounts but what we do and what others see can be two different pairs of shoes! A true, good friendhsip should always be based upon honesty- and honesty sometimes stings. Things which are perfectly clear to you can be obscure and incomprehensible to those around you. So your friends are really the only way to see yourself clearly- whether we like it or not.
I like to think of myself as someone whom you can't define. You cant fit me into a box or category and im proud of that. However, that ingenouity comes at a cost. People will always have an oppinion about you- as they cant define who you are they try to "figure you out" because you scare them and make them uneasy. Everyone is one way or another, so why cant you be? is the question often asked. I dont care much for their thoughs, as long as they are people i a, dont like or b, dont even know. Thats where my friends come in handy. They know me, they can define me, and they will let me know when my behaviour has gone from ingenue to insane. Thats why i love them. They are honest with me, they are open, they tell me exactly how it is.
Its rare that one finds people who arent around to please you but are around for whom you are. Friendships should always be about honesty and openness. You should never have to sugarcoat your feelings with your friends because they know you and they will not take it the wrong way if you tell them when something is wrong.
If they do, they're not our true friend. Its that simple!
Montag, 23. August 2010
Fighter
The American Troops are leaving Iraq- „We’re comming home“! These cries were heard throughout various Tv and radio stations as the news broke. They left as they came- in the dark of the night, days before they were scheduled to leave. As this historic moment takes place I’ve come to ask myself what is going through the heads of these young men. What do they feel? Are they joyous? Are they scared about the future? Did they ask themselves why they were fighting in the first place?
The war has caused some major media storm, it has split a country into pro- and cons- and has laid the foundations for various books and TV documentaries. All the while I think it is important to discuss pros and cons of every affair in today’s politics I’ve been shocked to see so many people condescend the soldiers fighting in this war. Surely, events which occurred in Abu Grahib and Guantanamo are not pleasant; they must be investigated and those responsible convicted- yet what about those thousands of honest men who risk their lives ever day? What did they feel when their own people turned against them?
Some of these men are young boys fresh out of high school who wanted to use their war money to go to college- many of these young, hopeful individuals have died. Sure, maybe they died for a war they weren’t meant to fight- but they did. Shouldn’t we honour their memory by remembering how brave they were instead of condescending them for invading another country?!
We humans have a great way of blaming those who really aren’t responsible- the soldiers didn’t make the decision to invade Iraq by themselves. They were serving their country as it was run by their leader- however qualified or unqualified he may have been. They were fighting for freedom, for the liberation of an oppressed people- and all we can do is harass them from our sofas.
Instead of complaining about their uselessness, maybe we should ask ourselves what we have done to fight for our beliefs. When was the last time you spoke out about injustice? When was the last time you got involved to fight for what you believe? I’m not suggesting that you join the armed forces, but rather you should take a cue from them! They fight for their country, their hope of freedom daily-yet when do we fight? Its time for us civilians to get up from that couch and make a difference. These boys are fighting for us- its time that we fight for ourselves!
No matter what your opinion on this war was, has been, is, we should all salute these brave young men who risk their life in the fight for a free, better world!
The war has caused some major media storm, it has split a country into pro- and cons- and has laid the foundations for various books and TV documentaries. All the while I think it is important to discuss pros and cons of every affair in today’s politics I’ve been shocked to see so many people condescend the soldiers fighting in this war. Surely, events which occurred in Abu Grahib and Guantanamo are not pleasant; they must be investigated and those responsible convicted- yet what about those thousands of honest men who risk their lives ever day? What did they feel when their own people turned against them?
Some of these men are young boys fresh out of high school who wanted to use their war money to go to college- many of these young, hopeful individuals have died. Sure, maybe they died for a war they weren’t meant to fight- but they did. Shouldn’t we honour their memory by remembering how brave they were instead of condescending them for invading another country?!
We humans have a great way of blaming those who really aren’t responsible- the soldiers didn’t make the decision to invade Iraq by themselves. They were serving their country as it was run by their leader- however qualified or unqualified he may have been. They were fighting for freedom, for the liberation of an oppressed people- and all we can do is harass them from our sofas.
Instead of complaining about their uselessness, maybe we should ask ourselves what we have done to fight for our beliefs. When was the last time you spoke out about injustice? When was the last time you got involved to fight for what you believe? I’m not suggesting that you join the armed forces, but rather you should take a cue from them! They fight for their country, their hope of freedom daily-yet when do we fight? Its time for us civilians to get up from that couch and make a difference. These boys are fighting for us- its time that we fight for ourselves!
No matter what your opinion on this war was, has been, is, we should all salute these brave young men who risk their life in the fight for a free, better world!
Sonntag, 15. August 2010
See no evil?
When we are born, we are born into a world that will shape out personality and our habits. Yet what do we bring into this world? Are we but a mere white sheet which will be splattered with the colours of our experiences or are we already an outline of what will happen?
People say, babies or the purest form of being- they are neither good nor evil. They become what society makes of them. We are what society makes of us. Or is it really that simple? Are we born free of any trace of evil or is there something in us that determins from day 1 who we will be?
Children who bite one another- are they simply a proudct of this world or is there something within them that makes them do things? When people purposefully inflict sadness and pain upon others do they do it because they were shaped into doing so by those around them?
When people say "They were a product of their surroundings" i believe its all talk. Can life really be as easy as saying "blame it on circumstance". We are who we are because we have what we are goign to be deep within ourselves. Surely, what we experience in our lives has some sort of effect on what we become, yet we have everythign we will be in life already within us.
When we are born, we are born with all the assets we will need for the future. Goodness and badness are embedded within ourselves and will surface. Dont blame circumstance, dont blame society- you are who you are.
People say, babies or the purest form of being- they are neither good nor evil. They become what society makes of them. We are what society makes of us. Or is it really that simple? Are we born free of any trace of evil or is there something in us that determins from day 1 who we will be?
Children who bite one another- are they simply a proudct of this world or is there something within them that makes them do things? When people purposefully inflict sadness and pain upon others do they do it because they were shaped into doing so by those around them?
When people say "They were a product of their surroundings" i believe its all talk. Can life really be as easy as saying "blame it on circumstance". We are who we are because we have what we are goign to be deep within ourselves. Surely, what we experience in our lives has some sort of effect on what we become, yet we have everythign we will be in life already within us.
When we are born, we are born with all the assets we will need for the future. Goodness and badness are embedded within ourselves and will surface. Dont blame circumstance, dont blame society- you are who you are.
Sonntag, 8. August 2010
Caricature du jour
Its Monday folks, and its once again time for some thoughts for your week! This week i've dedicated to caricatures- the ones we create of others and of ourselves.
This theme started when i stumbled upon a CV of some one who is campaigning for a seat on a committee this fall. having known this person for quite some time, im pretty abt at telling what her interests are and what her talents are. Under "languages" she listed that she spoke german, english, french and italian. I almost fell off my chair. The only thing the girl knows in french is "merci" and her italian ends somewhere with "espresso" and "pizza frutti di mare". She furthermore listed travel and photography as her hobbies- though i have my doubts about whether you can count the 2 hour drive home as "travel"?! Yet, whos going to contradict her CV? It was then that i started to wonder: When we write things about ourselves how far do we go? Let me be honest with you- i dont really like this girl. Nonetheless, if she had all the talents she lited, id have said nothing. But when people blatently pretend that they ca do things they cant it bothers me. Yet, dont we all do it?
When we write things about ourselves, we tend to exaggerate the positive and tone down the negative. Being good at organizing turns into "planning expert" and restlessness turns into "great motivation". Why do we feel the need to impress people on paper when we know that once they meet us in person, they will likely realize it was bluff? Surely, no one wants to write on their CV "I may be unmotivated at times and between 12 and 3 im not really into hard work" and thats not what im campaigning for. Shouldnt we all be honest with ourselves, first and foremost? Instead of creating these uber images of ourselves, shouldnt we just love the person we are? Worst of all- couldnt we risk loosing ourselves amidst all the images we so carefully create?
Worse than the caricatures we create of ourselves are the caricatures we create of others. They may be people we arent very fond of, they may be our family, they may be our lovers- It continues to baffle me why we insist on making them into something they are not. Shy people thus become "arrogant", funny people become "obscene" and slim people become "anorexic". WHY? Why do we make people into something they aren`t? Maybe its our own securites which force us to find flaws in the people around us to make it more bearable for ourselves. Maybe all we're really trying to do is bring down the people around us because they appear to be doing so much better than ourselves. The grass is always greener on the other side, after all. On the other hand maybe its also envy. We envy the quiet person next to us because we're loud. We envy the funny people because we dont even get the jokes in the morning papers. We envy the skinny ones because for us, standing in front of the mirror is a fight- every day. In order to stop making people into things they're not, we first need to identify why we do so: are we envious or are we simply scared? Are we doing it because we feel of lesser value or because we want what they have?
When we create caricatures of ourselves and of those around us, we ultimately seek to compensate for something. We hide our own insecurities and self-percieved flaws behind images we've build to distract others. The only problem is that these caricatures can fall apart faster than a sandcaslte. If we pretend to be something we're not, it will always come out. It might take years- it may only take a day. At the end of it all, shouldnt we be loved and appreciated for being who we really are and not for something we pretend to be? How can somebody love us if they think we're a spanish opera diva when really we're a music teacher from New Jersey?
We all have strenghts and we all have weaknesses- maybe its time we stopped hiding them and came clean.
This theme started when i stumbled upon a CV of some one who is campaigning for a seat on a committee this fall. having known this person for quite some time, im pretty abt at telling what her interests are and what her talents are. Under "languages" she listed that she spoke german, english, french and italian. I almost fell off my chair. The only thing the girl knows in french is "merci" and her italian ends somewhere with "espresso" and "pizza frutti di mare". She furthermore listed travel and photography as her hobbies- though i have my doubts about whether you can count the 2 hour drive home as "travel"?! Yet, whos going to contradict her CV? It was then that i started to wonder: When we write things about ourselves how far do we go? Let me be honest with you- i dont really like this girl. Nonetheless, if she had all the talents she lited, id have said nothing. But when people blatently pretend that they ca do things they cant it bothers me. Yet, dont we all do it?
When we write things about ourselves, we tend to exaggerate the positive and tone down the negative. Being good at organizing turns into "planning expert" and restlessness turns into "great motivation". Why do we feel the need to impress people on paper when we know that once they meet us in person, they will likely realize it was bluff? Surely, no one wants to write on their CV "I may be unmotivated at times and between 12 and 3 im not really into hard work" and thats not what im campaigning for. Shouldnt we all be honest with ourselves, first and foremost? Instead of creating these uber images of ourselves, shouldnt we just love the person we are? Worst of all- couldnt we risk loosing ourselves amidst all the images we so carefully create?
Worse than the caricatures we create of ourselves are the caricatures we create of others. They may be people we arent very fond of, they may be our family, they may be our lovers- It continues to baffle me why we insist on making them into something they are not. Shy people thus become "arrogant", funny people become "obscene" and slim people become "anorexic". WHY? Why do we make people into something they aren`t? Maybe its our own securites which force us to find flaws in the people around us to make it more bearable for ourselves. Maybe all we're really trying to do is bring down the people around us because they appear to be doing so much better than ourselves. The grass is always greener on the other side, after all. On the other hand maybe its also envy. We envy the quiet person next to us because we're loud. We envy the funny people because we dont even get the jokes in the morning papers. We envy the skinny ones because for us, standing in front of the mirror is a fight- every day. In order to stop making people into things they're not, we first need to identify why we do so: are we envious or are we simply scared? Are we doing it because we feel of lesser value or because we want what they have?
When we create caricatures of ourselves and of those around us, we ultimately seek to compensate for something. We hide our own insecurities and self-percieved flaws behind images we've build to distract others. The only problem is that these caricatures can fall apart faster than a sandcaslte. If we pretend to be something we're not, it will always come out. It might take years- it may only take a day. At the end of it all, shouldnt we be loved and appreciated for being who we really are and not for something we pretend to be? How can somebody love us if they think we're a spanish opera diva when really we're a music teacher from New Jersey?
We all have strenghts and we all have weaknesses- maybe its time we stopped hiding them and came clean.
Montag, 2. August 2010
Around the world in 30 days
Yours truly is back from her holiday and ready to spice up the rest of your summer with some mind dynamite!
Travelling the world is supposed to widen your horizon and to introduce you to various cultural aspects of the place, which you’re visiting. For me, travelling is more than just discovering. Its about immersing yourself in something unknown and to come out of the experience with an open heart and mind.
To my great dismay, many people seem to travel only to criticize. Just recently, I spent my lunch at an Ice Cream parlour in the U.S, only to hear the people behind me (nationality omitted) complain about “all the fat people”. Various studies have shown, that U.S citizens are, infact, heavier built than Europeans. This is no hidden fact, its widely known. So someone explain to me WHY you travel to the U.S and then complain about the fat people there? You’re in an ice cream parlour-you’re bound to run into some heaver people… My day got even weirder when the same people who complained about heavier built individuals ordered a super sundae which is intended for 6 people, at ate it…there were two of them.
There are other moments, like when people travelling to the middle east complain about seeing only veiled women- you knew this before hand! Why do you travel to a place you already have misconceiving about? Sure, sometimes you have to travel to places you’re not fond of- but why discern them immediately?
Throughout my time abroad, there was something, which irked me even more. “Urgh, our steak house at home is so much better!” I detest people who travel only to insist that everything is better at home. Please explain to me why you travel at all if home is so great?!? Sure enough, there are restaurants, which really don’t hit home, such as the “super trendy” steakhouse in New York City that served their filet mignon butterfly style, but there are so many great things to discover while travelling that you turn a blind eye on if you compare everything to home.
Travelling means seeing places- not picking them apart. What’s the point in stepping on the airplane if you’ve shut down your open-mindedness already? At the end its all about being open to new possibilities. Travel means seeing new things or rediscovering things you already knew.
Open your heart, free your mind and discover.
Travelling the world is supposed to widen your horizon and to introduce you to various cultural aspects of the place, which you’re visiting. For me, travelling is more than just discovering. Its about immersing yourself in something unknown and to come out of the experience with an open heart and mind.
To my great dismay, many people seem to travel only to criticize. Just recently, I spent my lunch at an Ice Cream parlour in the U.S, only to hear the people behind me (nationality omitted) complain about “all the fat people”. Various studies have shown, that U.S citizens are, infact, heavier built than Europeans. This is no hidden fact, its widely known. So someone explain to me WHY you travel to the U.S and then complain about the fat people there? You’re in an ice cream parlour-you’re bound to run into some heaver people… My day got even weirder when the same people who complained about heavier built individuals ordered a super sundae which is intended for 6 people, at ate it…there were two of them.
There are other moments, like when people travelling to the middle east complain about seeing only veiled women- you knew this before hand! Why do you travel to a place you already have misconceiving about? Sure, sometimes you have to travel to places you’re not fond of- but why discern them immediately?
Throughout my time abroad, there was something, which irked me even more. “Urgh, our steak house at home is so much better!” I detest people who travel only to insist that everything is better at home. Please explain to me why you travel at all if home is so great?!? Sure enough, there are restaurants, which really don’t hit home, such as the “super trendy” steakhouse in New York City that served their filet mignon butterfly style, but there are so many great things to discover while travelling that you turn a blind eye on if you compare everything to home.
Travelling means seeing places- not picking them apart. What’s the point in stepping on the airplane if you’ve shut down your open-mindedness already? At the end its all about being open to new possibilities. Travel means seeing new things or rediscovering things you already knew.
Open your heart, free your mind and discover.
Dienstag, 8. Juni 2010
Easy way out?
Throughout these past few weeks i've been thinking about the reasons why young people end their lives. Suicide is still such a taboo yet i really wonder why so many youngsters each year make the decision to take their lives?!
Some people say that those who comitt suicide just seek the easy way out because they cant deal with their lives. I severely disagree. Todays world is a tough place be or grow up in. People expect things from you all the time anywhere-and sometimes these expectations are too much to handle. Admit it, even you have been exhausted by people who are constatly in your face, forcing you to do stuff and fullfill expectations you never wanted to fulfill. Some may argue now that "thats life- you're always going to be faced with expectatiosn from people." Yes, i agree life is a set of expectations but shouldnt you be able to chose which expectations you get confronted with?
When you're young you're still finding your place in life and you need guidance and a helping had-yet more often than not these expectatiosn come from people who jst want to force their lifestyle upon your back. Expectations should motivate you to excell and not to hide in your closet and cry your eyes out day in day out. I do believe that you should push yourself but you should never let other push you. Encouragement is great if it comes from the heart and is intended in a warm loving way and not in the cold, "you're not good enough" kinda way.
Some people ask themselves why so many young celebrities in Hollywood take medication and drugs on a regular basis- but i wonder:how can they not? They live such public lives with people constantly criticizing them, commenting on their looks, their acting that it gets hard to know where to turn to! We expect so much from them that we forget that they are just humans. Its us with our craving for Paparazzi shots of Lady GaGa in her newest outfits, of Britney having a melt down or of Paris Hilton without panties who force people to turn to meds to numb the pain.
When faced with high expectations some poeple just turn their backs and do their own thing-which is admirable. Yet there are also those who cant just turn their backs because they want to live up to expectations even if it will break them. We should consider walking in their shoes before we judge them.
So ultimately, ending your own life is never just the easy way out because, prior to doing so, you've gone to hell and back.
Some people say that those who comitt suicide just seek the easy way out because they cant deal with their lives. I severely disagree. Todays world is a tough place be or grow up in. People expect things from you all the time anywhere-and sometimes these expectations are too much to handle. Admit it, even you have been exhausted by people who are constatly in your face, forcing you to do stuff and fullfill expectations you never wanted to fulfill. Some may argue now that "thats life- you're always going to be faced with expectatiosn from people." Yes, i agree life is a set of expectations but shouldnt you be able to chose which expectations you get confronted with?
When you're young you're still finding your place in life and you need guidance and a helping had-yet more often than not these expectatiosn come from people who jst want to force their lifestyle upon your back. Expectations should motivate you to excell and not to hide in your closet and cry your eyes out day in day out. I do believe that you should push yourself but you should never let other push you. Encouragement is great if it comes from the heart and is intended in a warm loving way and not in the cold, "you're not good enough" kinda way.
Some people ask themselves why so many young celebrities in Hollywood take medication and drugs on a regular basis- but i wonder:how can they not? They live such public lives with people constantly criticizing them, commenting on their looks, their acting that it gets hard to know where to turn to! We expect so much from them that we forget that they are just humans. Its us with our craving for Paparazzi shots of Lady GaGa in her newest outfits, of Britney having a melt down or of Paris Hilton without panties who force people to turn to meds to numb the pain.
When faced with high expectations some poeple just turn their backs and do their own thing-which is admirable. Yet there are also those who cant just turn their backs because they want to live up to expectations even if it will break them. We should consider walking in their shoes before we judge them.
So ultimately, ending your own life is never just the easy way out because, prior to doing so, you've gone to hell and back.
Montag, 7. Juni 2010
Judge Betty
Its time for some more monday thoughts!
This weekend i was at a housewarming party of a friend of my sisters. It was your typical mix of PC nerds, stylers and young parents. The night was quite amusing until the talk turned serious- to children. One of these nouveau parents asked my sister, once he learned that she was 33 and had been dating the sam man for almost 4 years, why she didnt have children... Way to kill a party people!!
This is when the inevitable question popped up in my brain- do we have the right to infringe upon others life choices? Are there things people should just do after a certain time and age? Or is this just empty talk by those who have been pressured by society into being a certain way?
Fact is, a woman who says she doesnt have kids or doesnt want kids is regarded as odd! One of my favourite scenes in the new sex and the city movie is when Carrie and Big are asked when they will be having children- and the shock reaction upon their response "it'll just be the two of us!" What is WRONG with it just being the "two of us"?? Whenever people ask a couple why they dont have children they always seem to insinuate that being a couple is not enough- why?
Society dictates that a family is a man, a woman and some children. Yet with time flying by and new ideals forming, what is wrong with a family just being man and woman? Or man and man? Woman and woman? What is wrong with the choice of NOT having children? Funny enough, the question mostly comes from couple who have children themselves-"because children are just such a joy!" How about you enjoy your kids then and leave the rest of us alone? If i were mean id say that they just want to flaunt their success in our faces yet i dont believe its that simple. As i mentioned above, society says that we should procreate and many do- so for them seeing people who freely choose not to is uncomprehensible.
What bothers me though is that we make people feel inadequate because they choose not to procreate. Maybe they cant,maybe they didnt want to raise a child in poverty or maybe they werent sure they'd be good parents- these are all valuable reasons for staying "just the two" yet we constantly condescend couples for it. What about those people who have children just for the sake of child benefit money? Or because with 6 kids they are entitled to a larger flat from social services? Why dont we judge them?
At the end of the day, whether you have children or not is a lifestyle coice you have to make by yourself because noone knows how its like to walk in your shoes. When confronted with the question "why dont you have kids?" maybe its time to smile to yourself and pitty the poor person opposite you who has succumbed to what society has prescribed for him. You should make your own rules in life and even if you're judged for it- stand by your choices and stand proud. This is your life and the choices you make only need to sit well with you.
to all the others: Maybe its time you stop judging...!
This weekend i was at a housewarming party of a friend of my sisters. It was your typical mix of PC nerds, stylers and young parents. The night was quite amusing until the talk turned serious- to children. One of these nouveau parents asked my sister, once he learned that she was 33 and had been dating the sam man for almost 4 years, why she didnt have children... Way to kill a party people!!
This is when the inevitable question popped up in my brain- do we have the right to infringe upon others life choices? Are there things people should just do after a certain time and age? Or is this just empty talk by those who have been pressured by society into being a certain way?
Fact is, a woman who says she doesnt have kids or doesnt want kids is regarded as odd! One of my favourite scenes in the new sex and the city movie is when Carrie and Big are asked when they will be having children- and the shock reaction upon their response "it'll just be the two of us!" What is WRONG with it just being the "two of us"?? Whenever people ask a couple why they dont have children they always seem to insinuate that being a couple is not enough- why?
Society dictates that a family is a man, a woman and some children. Yet with time flying by and new ideals forming, what is wrong with a family just being man and woman? Or man and man? Woman and woman? What is wrong with the choice of NOT having children? Funny enough, the question mostly comes from couple who have children themselves-"because children are just such a joy!" How about you enjoy your kids then and leave the rest of us alone? If i were mean id say that they just want to flaunt their success in our faces yet i dont believe its that simple. As i mentioned above, society says that we should procreate and many do- so for them seeing people who freely choose not to is uncomprehensible.
What bothers me though is that we make people feel inadequate because they choose not to procreate. Maybe they cant,maybe they didnt want to raise a child in poverty or maybe they werent sure they'd be good parents- these are all valuable reasons for staying "just the two" yet we constantly condescend couples for it. What about those people who have children just for the sake of child benefit money? Or because with 6 kids they are entitled to a larger flat from social services? Why dont we judge them?
At the end of the day, whether you have children or not is a lifestyle coice you have to make by yourself because noone knows how its like to walk in your shoes. When confronted with the question "why dont you have kids?" maybe its time to smile to yourself and pitty the poor person opposite you who has succumbed to what society has prescribed for him. You should make your own rules in life and even if you're judged for it- stand by your choices and stand proud. This is your life and the choices you make only need to sit well with you.
to all the others: Maybe its time you stop judging...!
Dienstag, 1. Juni 2010
Home sweet home
Its the start of another busy weeks folks, and as usual im bringing you my thoughts of the week so that you can start off inspired! Although ive previously taken to the theme of "home" id like to look at it again yet from another angle!
What makes a home a good home? When is a home really a HOME and not just a place you spend your days at between work and parties?
When you suffer of homelessness, like moi, you need your home to be a place that looks and feels like you. I for one wnat my home to be warm, cozy and filled with light. Others may want their home to be a stylish designer haven filled with art and crafts and thats amazing too. What a home really needs to be, thus, is a place that makes YOU feel "at home".
However, more than once such a home is hard to find. I cant stand to be at my parents house for more than a couple of hours because not only does the place itsself feel cold and hard, the atmosphere is too. Just like the pale beige sofas will not forgive a wine stain, the people living in it will not forgive the free spirit. Its funny, when living at home you get the impression that your house is the only home you'll ever have yet once you move out you realize all the things wrong with it. Dont get me wrong, i love my parents and i am grateful for the way they raised me, but as im growing up i simply cannot find myself to be drawn to the same "beige and white" household style that they covet. Everything in my appartment screams comfort and coziness- from the sheepskins on my floor to the 3000 pillows and comforters stewn around the place- i want people to feel like they can just fall down and be whoever they are when they're with me.
So maybe thats the secret to your perfect HOME: its the place you create for yourself in between all the deadlines, meetings, lunches, dinners, cocktailparties and disputes: its the place where you can be who you are and say what you want. Its where you can spill wine on the rug without hearing how ungrateful you are and where you can stand gazing at your open fridge for hours (i know you do that too!!) Its the place that you love to come home to because you know its exactly the way you need it to be.
What makes a home a good home? When is a home really a HOME and not just a place you spend your days at between work and parties?
When you suffer of homelessness, like moi, you need your home to be a place that looks and feels like you. I for one wnat my home to be warm, cozy and filled with light. Others may want their home to be a stylish designer haven filled with art and crafts and thats amazing too. What a home really needs to be, thus, is a place that makes YOU feel "at home".
However, more than once such a home is hard to find. I cant stand to be at my parents house for more than a couple of hours because not only does the place itsself feel cold and hard, the atmosphere is too. Just like the pale beige sofas will not forgive a wine stain, the people living in it will not forgive the free spirit. Its funny, when living at home you get the impression that your house is the only home you'll ever have yet once you move out you realize all the things wrong with it. Dont get me wrong, i love my parents and i am grateful for the way they raised me, but as im growing up i simply cannot find myself to be drawn to the same "beige and white" household style that they covet. Everything in my appartment screams comfort and coziness- from the sheepskins on my floor to the 3000 pillows and comforters stewn around the place- i want people to feel like they can just fall down and be whoever they are when they're with me.
So maybe thats the secret to your perfect HOME: its the place you create for yourself in between all the deadlines, meetings, lunches, dinners, cocktailparties and disputes: its the place where you can be who you are and say what you want. Its where you can spill wine on the rug without hearing how ungrateful you are and where you can stand gazing at your open fridge for hours (i know you do that too!!) Its the place that you love to come home to because you know its exactly the way you need it to be.
Mittwoch, 19. Mai 2010
It's all good
Ive been thinking about forgiveness lately. What does it mean to you? What can forgiveness do, what can it heal?
When people hurt you and push you into the dirt can/should you forgive them? Can forgiveness heal the wounds of the past or are we expecting it to do too much?
Ive been hurt a couple of times in my life and ive forgiven some of them yet with others i have my difficulties. I really dont know why i discriminate yet there are some people i cannot bring myself to forgive. There are people who have hurt me so much and in such an awful fashion that i cannot find it in my deepest heart to forgive them. Am i in the wrong for not being able to?
Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. Yet forgiveness can sometimes turn into denial- forgiving turns into forgetting. And this is exactly what i dont want to happen. The pain and suffering have shaped me into the person i am today. I do believe that you shouldnt hold grudge against people forever-you have to let go of pain and anger; which i have. I have completely let go of my anger and my frustration yet i cannot forgive some of the people who have installed such pain in me. I cannot forgive them for being disrespectful because that is something which i cannot forgive. Disrespecting a person when you dont know them is unforgiveable. Condescending someone beacuse they are different to you is just plain disgusting.
Maybe that is the reason i cannot forgive them: because they have shown traits which i cannot understand a person to have. Humans should be kind, loving and giving-not evil, condescending and cruel. Forgiveness is a concept that can heal wounds which have been inflcited on some sort of rational basis yet it can never and should never be used to numb the pain which is provoked purely for the fun of it.
At the end of the day i can say, "Im all good" because ive come to term with not being able to forgive something that should not be forgiven. Be wise about who you forgive because its a powerful tool- one that should not go to waste for people who dont deserve it.
When people hurt you and push you into the dirt can/should you forgive them? Can forgiveness heal the wounds of the past or are we expecting it to do too much?
Ive been hurt a couple of times in my life and ive forgiven some of them yet with others i have my difficulties. I really dont know why i discriminate yet there are some people i cannot bring myself to forgive. There are people who have hurt me so much and in such an awful fashion that i cannot find it in my deepest heart to forgive them. Am i in the wrong for not being able to?
Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. Yet forgiveness can sometimes turn into denial- forgiving turns into forgetting. And this is exactly what i dont want to happen. The pain and suffering have shaped me into the person i am today. I do believe that you shouldnt hold grudge against people forever-you have to let go of pain and anger; which i have. I have completely let go of my anger and my frustration yet i cannot forgive some of the people who have installed such pain in me. I cannot forgive them for being disrespectful because that is something which i cannot forgive. Disrespecting a person when you dont know them is unforgiveable. Condescending someone beacuse they are different to you is just plain disgusting.
Maybe that is the reason i cannot forgive them: because they have shown traits which i cannot understand a person to have. Humans should be kind, loving and giving-not evil, condescending and cruel. Forgiveness is a concept that can heal wounds which have been inflcited on some sort of rational basis yet it can never and should never be used to numb the pain which is provoked purely for the fun of it.
At the end of the day i can say, "Im all good" because ive come to term with not being able to forgive something that should not be forgiven. Be wise about who you forgive because its a powerful tool- one that should not go to waste for people who dont deserve it.
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