Too much to ask?

Having recently visited a girlfriend of mine sick with a broken spirit i've come to wonder about the rules of "getting involved" What should you do when getting involved with someone and what shouldnt you do? What is too much to ask?

My friend was interning at a company for 3 Months where she came acorss a man whom she first found to be totally bland yet after 1 month she felt weirdly drawn to him. They started talking, sending an average of 50 e-mails a day and having long phone conversations. He complemented her, she gave him her best smile. They never actually went on a date outside of their office life, but things apparently steamed up. Then she got a fixed job at another company and things magically changed. Gone were the flirty e-mails, she almost had to badger him into keeping contact. Until one day, she had anough of the humiliation and went cold turkey. No e-mails, no SMS, no calls. Nothing. She played dead. Shes still at it as we speak. This behaviour has forced me to ask myself the question: what are rules in situations like this? Is it ok to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days?

When my friend asked her little boy toy why he had such trouble keeping in touch with her, his reply made me gasp with shock "When im at work i tend to forget". Yes, i understand that we all have busy lives and that our job takes up most of our 24hrs. Yet how realistic is it to say "i forget you" to someone who, when sitting 3 desks away from you, got an average of 50 e-mails a day from you? Does it really take that much effort to write a simple "Hey whats up?" e-mail?

Our dear friend then went on to saying "i dont want to bother you 24/7" which is an admirable comment. HOWEVER, going stone cold and dead silent kinda sends the wrong message. Its charming that you dont want to bother the girl, but when you go from saying things like "You're so charming, you'0re more than i had ever expected" to zero communication, the other person will inevitably be asking questions.

When my friend, as a final attempt, told the man that she wanted to see results or shed be gone his reply was that he would give it his best but that he really wasnt good at keeping in touch but that hed try. After that, it took him 5 days to send a stupid little sms that was quite clearly not meant sincerely. It was then and there that my friend went into cold turkey mode.

Was his behaviour ok? From my point of view, and out of loyalty to my friend, id say no. No matter what happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, you should always remember to be respectful to the people around you. By saying charming things to someone, by offering them gifts or smiles, you nourture hopes in the other person. If these then turn out to be false, you should be big enough to tell the other person. Dont just play dead. Its unfair, childish and definately unneccessary!!! If you like the other person you should make the effort- even if it demands planning and organisation. Dont give the other person the feelings that their worthless!!

My friend had been humiliated by this man, humiliated because he made her feel stupid and worthless. Noone has the right to make another person feel this way- no matter how rich or powerful you are. By his awful conduct, this man has not only lost my respect but also one of the most amazing women on this planet.

Respect and Dedication are never too much to ask!

Soundcheck

Recently, i was watching an MTV Masters on the Greatest Things Done For Love. Part of these great love declarations was Chris M.s promise to his wife Gwyneth P. that he would never again play a song he had dedicated to his ex girlfriend. A few days after this, a friend of mine told me that she couldnt listen to a particular song any longer, even though she loved it, because she had dedicated it to a man who had turned out to be not what she needed. This brings me to the question- why do we dedicate songs to people? Why do we attach songs to a person only to find that once we no longer care for this person we cannot listen to the song anymore, no matter how much we cherished it?!

Music is a huge part of our culture- not only since MTV, VH1 and the likes have taken over out TVs. Music is entertainment, art and life. Have you ever counted how many people in the bus, tram or train have their earplugs in from start to finish? How many of us turn on the radio / Ipod first thing in the morning to get a good start to the day?

Music makes up a huge part of our lives so its not surprising that we attach it to our surroundings. The classic wedding song for many is Pachelbels Canon- and as soon as we hear the first notes we automatically think of weddings, of walking down the isle, of a life together. We have become like Pavlovs Dogs- conditioned to a specific response at a certain sound.

What are reasons that we react a specific way to a certain song? When Greys Anatomy introduced its second season with the song "How to save a life" by The Fray it hit the Charts within a few hours. The song became so connected with the story between Derek and Meredith that people all over the world, still today, connect this song to love.
When Princess Diana died and Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral, this sond became automatically conected to this beautiful yet lonely woman.
In the movie "Pretty Woman" when Julia R. leaves Richard G. in his hotel room saying she cant be with him and Roxettes "It must have been love" comes on, people cried. They still do upon hearing the song.

We use music to attach a certain mood to people in our lives- we want to remember the moments we shared by using a song dear to us. However, feelings and emotions change and we are left with a song that makes us cringe each time we hear it. Its only once we have put enough distance between us and the person the song reminds us of, can we enjoy the music and let go of the past.

At the end of it all, we use music to express emotions- sadness, joy, excitement. We use music to remember the good times, the bad times and the worst of times. Every song, no matter how hard it makes us cringe, will be part of your personal soundtrack.

Its the sound of your life!