Merry Christmas Cavenders!
I am a total thinker- i over obsess about every little situation, about everything going on in my life constantly. I analyze, i weigh out pros and cons and i try to figure out what is the best decision. Yet recently ive come to realize that maybe, in matters of the heart, one should trust their gut.
I went to meeting a few months ago with someone i know from a former job, and before the meeting, my gut was twisted in a knot. I had hot and cold flashes, my nerves were up in the air and i didnt know why. I had weighed out the pros and cons of this meeting, i figured out what it would mean to me if i went and what it would mean if i didnt. Yet my gut was acting up.
Ultimately, my gut was right. The lunch, even though it was fun, it was tough. It was very strange to me- i was not easy around this person. I felt cooped up, twisted, wound up so tight i couldnt breathe. Yes, the conversation was fun and it was a short-lived 30minutes but on the inside, i felt watched, uneasy and completely lost. Was my gut telling me this all along?
Gut feeling is a small part of what nature left us - our instinct. Gut feeling prepares us for the worst, gets us to bolt when it gets dangerous and tells us to take a leap of faith when the time is right. So how come we so rarely trust it?
We have grown up to think everything over, to ponder pros and cons of everything we do - did we loose our ability to trust our instincts? When we think everything over a hundred times, does it really get better? Do our decisions come easier when we thought out every angle? Can we ever figure out every angle? Life is so compliacted and we complicate it even more by bringing too much thinking into it. When we think everything over all the time we loose the sense of what is real and what is not. We loose grasp of the real situation and we block out our instincts only to replace them with toughts.
The problem with our thoughts is that they are always connected to the past, to what we have lived and to where we stand in our lives. Our thoughts and ideas are not realistic but flawed by our perceptions of what is around us. Our instincts, however, are pure, they are raw, they are unpretentious. They dont care who we are or what we do in our lives- they react to our surroundings.
Comming back to my meeting- looking back, maybe it was good that i went. I realized that maybe this person doesnt belong in my life. On the other hand, did i really need this tightness in my chest ? Did i need to feel the way i felt? Should i have listened to my gut? Should i have followed my instincts and run the other way?
Maybe its time that we trust our guts, that we trust what mother nature gave us to protect us. Trust your gut!
Montag, 27. Dezember 2010
Dienstag, 23. November 2010
Fight it
There are moments in our lives where everything just goes wrong. Nothing seems to work out, everything has turned against you. Once we have overcome the scare of these events, any situation resembling them automatically makes our plams sweat and our heart race. Do you remember those moments in your life where you were so scared of falling that you barely made it out of your front door?
In life, we are confronted by various obstacles- each and every day. Its starts with school, when you're not cool enough to sit with the "in" crowd at Lunch, it continues on to where you meet the girl of your dreams but she couldnt care less about who you are and it finishes where you loose your job and your mortage and end up on the street. Life can be a bitch. Sad, true fact.
What makes matters even worse are those people around us who seemingly never fall. That coworker who laughs off even the biggest mistake and never once doubts himself. That fit guy who never think twice about the girl who blew him off in a bar. The suave business woman opposite you who seems unbothered by snide remarks by her male counterparts. There are people out there who seemingly take any downfall and turn it into something positive. They are unfazed by life and just move on. I envy these people. I truly do. It takes me days to get over a stupid comment made by some sales girl.
What do these people have that we dont? WHat is it that gives them to power to pick up where they left off, without doubt or fear? Its a little thing we call confidence and self-esteem. These people are usually quite sure of themselves and their capabilities. Dont get this wrong, they arent arrogant and full of themselves, they simply know what they have achieved in their lives and how hard they have worked to get there. This confidence comes from the fact that they have had to work hard to be who they are and they arent willing to let people who have no relationship to or with them ruin what they've built.
The strengh to face defeat and come out fierce as eveer comes from the fight itself. Have you ever had to fight in order to get somewhere or to obtain something that you really desired? Remember how strong and invincible that made you feel? Its precicely that feeling which these strong individuals live off that makes them so strong. They know what they have had to fight for.
Next time something gets you down or someone tries to play you, remember that you have fought to be who you are. You have achieved great things in your life and you deserve respect for that. You are fabulous. You are a fighter.
So fight them!!!
In life, we are confronted by various obstacles- each and every day. Its starts with school, when you're not cool enough to sit with the "in" crowd at Lunch, it continues on to where you meet the girl of your dreams but she couldnt care less about who you are and it finishes where you loose your job and your mortage and end up on the street. Life can be a bitch. Sad, true fact.
What makes matters even worse are those people around us who seemingly never fall. That coworker who laughs off even the biggest mistake and never once doubts himself. That fit guy who never think twice about the girl who blew him off in a bar. The suave business woman opposite you who seems unbothered by snide remarks by her male counterparts. There are people out there who seemingly take any downfall and turn it into something positive. They are unfazed by life and just move on. I envy these people. I truly do. It takes me days to get over a stupid comment made by some sales girl.
What do these people have that we dont? WHat is it that gives them to power to pick up where they left off, without doubt or fear? Its a little thing we call confidence and self-esteem. These people are usually quite sure of themselves and their capabilities. Dont get this wrong, they arent arrogant and full of themselves, they simply know what they have achieved in their lives and how hard they have worked to get there. This confidence comes from the fact that they have had to work hard to be who they are and they arent willing to let people who have no relationship to or with them ruin what they've built.
The strengh to face defeat and come out fierce as eveer comes from the fight itself. Have you ever had to fight in order to get somewhere or to obtain something that you really desired? Remember how strong and invincible that made you feel? Its precicely that feeling which these strong individuals live off that makes them so strong. They know what they have had to fight for.
Next time something gets you down or someone tries to play you, remember that you have fought to be who you are. You have achieved great things in your life and you deserve respect for that. You are fabulous. You are a fighter.
So fight them!!!
Mittwoch, 27. Oktober 2010
Too much to ask?
Having recently visited a girlfriend of mine sick with a broken spirit i've come to wonder about the rules of "getting involved" What should you do when getting involved with someone and what shouldnt you do? What is too much to ask?
My friend was interning at a company for 3 Months where she came acorss a man whom she first found to be totally bland yet after 1 month she felt weirdly drawn to him. They started talking, sending an average of 50 e-mails a day and having long phone conversations. He complemented her, she gave him her best smile. They never actually went on a date outside of their office life, but things apparently steamed up. Then she got a fixed job at another company and things magically changed. Gone were the flirty e-mails, she almost had to badger him into keeping contact. Until one day, she had anough of the humiliation and went cold turkey. No e-mails, no SMS, no calls. Nothing. She played dead. Shes still at it as we speak. This behaviour has forced me to ask myself the question: what are rules in situations like this? Is it ok to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days?
When my friend asked her little boy toy why he had such trouble keeping in touch with her, his reply made me gasp with shock "When im at work i tend to forget". Yes, i understand that we all have busy lives and that our job takes up most of our 24hrs. Yet how realistic is it to say "i forget you" to someone who, when sitting 3 desks away from you, got an average of 50 e-mails a day from you? Does it really take that much effort to write a simple "Hey whats up?" e-mail?
Our dear friend then went on to saying "i dont want to bother you 24/7" which is an admirable comment. HOWEVER, going stone cold and dead silent kinda sends the wrong message. Its charming that you dont want to bother the girl, but when you go from saying things like "You're so charming, you'0re more than i had ever expected" to zero communication, the other person will inevitably be asking questions.
When my friend, as a final attempt, told the man that she wanted to see results or shed be gone his reply was that he would give it his best but that he really wasnt good at keeping in touch but that hed try. After that, it took him 5 days to send a stupid little sms that was quite clearly not meant sincerely. It was then and there that my friend went into cold turkey mode.
Was his behaviour ok? From my point of view, and out of loyalty to my friend, id say no. No matter what happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, you should always remember to be respectful to the people around you. By saying charming things to someone, by offering them gifts or smiles, you nourture hopes in the other person. If these then turn out to be false, you should be big enough to tell the other person. Dont just play dead. Its unfair, childish and definately unneccessary!!! If you like the other person you should make the effort- even if it demands planning and organisation. Dont give the other person the feelings that their worthless!!
My friend had been humiliated by this man, humiliated because he made her feel stupid and worthless. Noone has the right to make another person feel this way- no matter how rich or powerful you are. By his awful conduct, this man has not only lost my respect but also one of the most amazing women on this planet.
Respect and Dedication are never too much to ask!
My friend was interning at a company for 3 Months where she came acorss a man whom she first found to be totally bland yet after 1 month she felt weirdly drawn to him. They started talking, sending an average of 50 e-mails a day and having long phone conversations. He complemented her, she gave him her best smile. They never actually went on a date outside of their office life, but things apparently steamed up. Then she got a fixed job at another company and things magically changed. Gone were the flirty e-mails, she almost had to badger him into keeping contact. Until one day, she had anough of the humiliation and went cold turkey. No e-mails, no SMS, no calls. Nothing. She played dead. Shes still at it as we speak. This behaviour has forced me to ask myself the question: what are rules in situations like this? Is it ok to go from 100% to 0% in a matter of days?
When my friend asked her little boy toy why he had such trouble keeping in touch with her, his reply made me gasp with shock "When im at work i tend to forget". Yes, i understand that we all have busy lives and that our job takes up most of our 24hrs. Yet how realistic is it to say "i forget you" to someone who, when sitting 3 desks away from you, got an average of 50 e-mails a day from you? Does it really take that much effort to write a simple "Hey whats up?" e-mail?
Our dear friend then went on to saying "i dont want to bother you 24/7" which is an admirable comment. HOWEVER, going stone cold and dead silent kinda sends the wrong message. Its charming that you dont want to bother the girl, but when you go from saying things like "You're so charming, you'0re more than i had ever expected" to zero communication, the other person will inevitably be asking questions.
When my friend, as a final attempt, told the man that she wanted to see results or shed be gone his reply was that he would give it his best but that he really wasnt good at keeping in touch but that hed try. After that, it took him 5 days to send a stupid little sms that was quite clearly not meant sincerely. It was then and there that my friend went into cold turkey mode.
Was his behaviour ok? From my point of view, and out of loyalty to my friend, id say no. No matter what happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, you should always remember to be respectful to the people around you. By saying charming things to someone, by offering them gifts or smiles, you nourture hopes in the other person. If these then turn out to be false, you should be big enough to tell the other person. Dont just play dead. Its unfair, childish and definately unneccessary!!! If you like the other person you should make the effort- even if it demands planning and organisation. Dont give the other person the feelings that their worthless!!
My friend had been humiliated by this man, humiliated because he made her feel stupid and worthless. Noone has the right to make another person feel this way- no matter how rich or powerful you are. By his awful conduct, this man has not only lost my respect but also one of the most amazing women on this planet.
Respect and Dedication are never too much to ask!
Mittwoch, 20. Oktober 2010
Soundcheck
Recently, i was watching an MTV Masters on the Greatest Things Done For Love. Part of these great love declarations was Chris M.s promise to his wife Gwyneth P. that he would never again play a song he had dedicated to his ex girlfriend. A few days after this, a friend of mine told me that she couldnt listen to a particular song any longer, even though she loved it, because she had dedicated it to a man who had turned out to be not what she needed. This brings me to the question- why do we dedicate songs to people? Why do we attach songs to a person only to find that once we no longer care for this person we cannot listen to the song anymore, no matter how much we cherished it?!
Music is a huge part of our culture- not only since MTV, VH1 and the likes have taken over out TVs. Music is entertainment, art and life. Have you ever counted how many people in the bus, tram or train have their earplugs in from start to finish? How many of us turn on the radio / Ipod first thing in the morning to get a good start to the day?
Music makes up a huge part of our lives so its not surprising that we attach it to our surroundings. The classic wedding song for many is Pachelbels Canon- and as soon as we hear the first notes we automatically think of weddings, of walking down the isle, of a life together. We have become like Pavlovs Dogs- conditioned to a specific response at a certain sound.
What are reasons that we react a specific way to a certain song? When Greys Anatomy introduced its second season with the song "How to save a life" by The Fray it hit the Charts within a few hours. The song became so connected with the story between Derek and Meredith that people all over the world, still today, connect this song to love.
When Princess Diana died and Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral, this sond became automatically conected to this beautiful yet lonely woman.
In the movie "Pretty Woman" when Julia R. leaves Richard G. in his hotel room saying she cant be with him and Roxettes "It must have been love" comes on, people cried. They still do upon hearing the song.
We use music to attach a certain mood to people in our lives- we want to remember the moments we shared by using a song dear to us. However, feelings and emotions change and we are left with a song that makes us cringe each time we hear it. Its only once we have put enough distance between us and the person the song reminds us of, can we enjoy the music and let go of the past.
At the end of it all, we use music to express emotions- sadness, joy, excitement. We use music to remember the good times, the bad times and the worst of times. Every song, no matter how hard it makes us cringe, will be part of your personal soundtrack.
Its the sound of your life!
Music is a huge part of our culture- not only since MTV, VH1 and the likes have taken over out TVs. Music is entertainment, art and life. Have you ever counted how many people in the bus, tram or train have their earplugs in from start to finish? How many of us turn on the radio / Ipod first thing in the morning to get a good start to the day?
Music makes up a huge part of our lives so its not surprising that we attach it to our surroundings. The classic wedding song for many is Pachelbels Canon- and as soon as we hear the first notes we automatically think of weddings, of walking down the isle, of a life together. We have become like Pavlovs Dogs- conditioned to a specific response at a certain sound.
What are reasons that we react a specific way to a certain song? When Greys Anatomy introduced its second season with the song "How to save a life" by The Fray it hit the Charts within a few hours. The song became so connected with the story between Derek and Meredith that people all over the world, still today, connect this song to love.
When Princess Diana died and Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral, this sond became automatically conected to this beautiful yet lonely woman.
In the movie "Pretty Woman" when Julia R. leaves Richard G. in his hotel room saying she cant be with him and Roxettes "It must have been love" comes on, people cried. They still do upon hearing the song.
We use music to attach a certain mood to people in our lives- we want to remember the moments we shared by using a song dear to us. However, feelings and emotions change and we are left with a song that makes us cringe each time we hear it. Its only once we have put enough distance between us and the person the song reminds us of, can we enjoy the music and let go of the past.
At the end of it all, we use music to express emotions- sadness, joy, excitement. We use music to remember the good times, the bad times and the worst of times. Every song, no matter how hard it makes us cringe, will be part of your personal soundtrack.
Its the sound of your life!
Dienstag, 21. September 2010
Cheeet-ah!!
Its another week full of questiosn to be answered Cavenders!
After having spent a weekend in the midst of all my fabulous friends, i was struck by one particular question: When are you cheating?
Relationships are supposedly built on trust and committment- yet what is the line that distinguishes harmless flirting from full on cheating?
A friend of mine had recently begun writing e-mails with a guy she met at a bar- flirty e-mails, filled with whit and humour. She didnt mention to Mr. Vodka-Martini that she was, in fact, in a relationship. Does the mere fact that you dont mention your partner right away constitute cheating? To be honest, i am sick and tired of people saying "i have a boyfriend/ girlfriend" when all you wanted to do is ask for a light. However, when engaging in cute e-mails with a stranger, should you mention your other half? If its going to stay with the whitty banter is there any reason to mention them at all?
The situation gets more complicated with my other friend who has recently met someone who has "relit his spark" after he had been in a stable relationship for some time. He didnt stick to the smart and funny e-mails- he got involved in some kissing action. This is where you part the sea: is kissing already cheating? When involved in a relationship for some time, inevitably, the spark can go to low-flame. A recent piece in the wonderful ELLE Magazine actually asked the question whether we were to quick to let go of our relationships? When the spark we once felt when looking at our partner only gives the odd "pop" is it time to go your own way or should you find a way to relight the flame you once had?
My friend actually realized, after the kissing inccident, that the woman no longer interested him- it had been all about the chase. Those wild feelings when you ask yourself whether he will call and when a wink or a smile from the other person can make or break your day. He had found the excitement of those first few dates exhilerating- and exhileration missing from a couple who had been once around the block. New people are exciting and can make your "old" flame look tranished. However, once you've conquered what you've coveteing, you realize that- having it makes it boring. Its lost that special "i need to fight for it" aura.
We constantly crave what we dont have, only to realize that having it means nothing. It is the chase, the anxiety of the unknown, the thrill of the work you have to put into it- yet once all that is over, its like all the other things you already have. It looses its excitement.
The question remaining is: should you tell the other person?
Dienstag, 14. September 2010
What if?
Why cavenders, the days fly by and we've officially said good bye to summer! Was it everything you had hoped for? Did you fulfill your dreams and aspirations?
This week i've been wondering about finding "Mr Right". Every person on this planet is searching for the one person who will complete them and will pass over many who are deemed not "The One". I've come to wonder- is there such a thing as "Mr. Right" or is he (she) simply a figment of our imagination which makes us bypass the people we really should be dating. "He so isnt right for you"- i've often heard people say that to friends. What is RIGHT?
There are millions of people walking this earth and each single one is looking for another, single person. Talk about unrealistic. How can we expect to find a single person on this planet to complete us? What if its all a scham? What if there is not a single person out there, but several. What if there is no "Mr. Right" but a "Mr. Right Now" ?
Ive met many people who were smitten with someone but passed by the opportunity to get to know them because they werent "right". What if that was the biggest mistake they could have made? We search for perfection while forgetting that we're imperfect ourselves. We bypass people because we are looking for someone who is but a figment of our imagination. We are so set on the idea of the perfect partner that we miss the amazing people we meet on our way.
Ive been a victim of the "Mr. Right" search: i was looking for someone who was perfect: intelligent, well built, funny, good looking, multi-lingual etc etc that i completely missed the amazing person right under my nose. Yet when you let go of your expectations, you will find amazing people right by your side.
What if you've missed the person who will make you happier than Mr. Right could ever have?
This week i've been wondering about finding "Mr Right". Every person on this planet is searching for the one person who will complete them and will pass over many who are deemed not "The One". I've come to wonder- is there such a thing as "Mr. Right" or is he (she) simply a figment of our imagination which makes us bypass the people we really should be dating. "He so isnt right for you"- i've often heard people say that to friends. What is RIGHT?
There are millions of people walking this earth and each single one is looking for another, single person. Talk about unrealistic. How can we expect to find a single person on this planet to complete us? What if its all a scham? What if there is not a single person out there, but several. What if there is no "Mr. Right" but a "Mr. Right Now" ?
Ive met many people who were smitten with someone but passed by the opportunity to get to know them because they werent "right". What if that was the biggest mistake they could have made? We search for perfection while forgetting that we're imperfect ourselves. We bypass people because we are looking for someone who is but a figment of our imagination. We are so set on the idea of the perfect partner that we miss the amazing people we meet on our way.
Ive been a victim of the "Mr. Right" search: i was looking for someone who was perfect: intelligent, well built, funny, good looking, multi-lingual etc etc that i completely missed the amazing person right under my nose. Yet when you let go of your expectations, you will find amazing people right by your side.
What if you've missed the person who will make you happier than Mr. Right could ever have?
Montag, 6. September 2010
Sugar and Spice
Good Morning Cavenders,
Another Monday, another start to a great week!
I was recently involved in a discussion with a friend of mine, a discussion during which my friend questioned my motives on a certain subject. She said freely and openly what she had to say, even if some of the things werent positive. Nonetheless, it was what was on her mind and i was open to hear it. At the end of the evening, when we had settled what we had to discuss, she said to me "I hope you're not mad at me for saying what i did." and that struck me. In a friendship, arent you supposed to say what is on your mind? Isnt a friendship exactly about being honest to one another and not having to say "im sorry" after?
In a friendship, should you be brutally honest or should you sugarcoat your feelings?
During this discussion with my dear friend, she did say things that hit me hard, but those were her feelings, those were her inquiries and she had the right to ask what she asked. Surely, i thought "No way" on some accounts but what we do and what others see can be two different pairs of shoes! A true, good friendhsip should always be based upon honesty- and honesty sometimes stings. Things which are perfectly clear to you can be obscure and incomprehensible to those around you. So your friends are really the only way to see yourself clearly- whether we like it or not.
I like to think of myself as someone whom you can't define. You cant fit me into a box or category and im proud of that. However, that ingenouity comes at a cost. People will always have an oppinion about you- as they cant define who you are they try to "figure you out" because you scare them and make them uneasy. Everyone is one way or another, so why cant you be? is the question often asked. I dont care much for their thoughs, as long as they are people i a, dont like or b, dont even know. Thats where my friends come in handy. They know me, they can define me, and they will let me know when my behaviour has gone from ingenue to insane. Thats why i love them. They are honest with me, they are open, they tell me exactly how it is.
Its rare that one finds people who arent around to please you but are around for whom you are. Friendships should always be about honesty and openness. You should never have to sugarcoat your feelings with your friends because they know you and they will not take it the wrong way if you tell them when something is wrong.
If they do, they're not our true friend. Its that simple!
Another Monday, another start to a great week!
I was recently involved in a discussion with a friend of mine, a discussion during which my friend questioned my motives on a certain subject. She said freely and openly what she had to say, even if some of the things werent positive. Nonetheless, it was what was on her mind and i was open to hear it. At the end of the evening, when we had settled what we had to discuss, she said to me "I hope you're not mad at me for saying what i did." and that struck me. In a friendship, arent you supposed to say what is on your mind? Isnt a friendship exactly about being honest to one another and not having to say "im sorry" after?
In a friendship, should you be brutally honest or should you sugarcoat your feelings?
During this discussion with my dear friend, she did say things that hit me hard, but those were her feelings, those were her inquiries and she had the right to ask what she asked. Surely, i thought "No way" on some accounts but what we do and what others see can be two different pairs of shoes! A true, good friendhsip should always be based upon honesty- and honesty sometimes stings. Things which are perfectly clear to you can be obscure and incomprehensible to those around you. So your friends are really the only way to see yourself clearly- whether we like it or not.
I like to think of myself as someone whom you can't define. You cant fit me into a box or category and im proud of that. However, that ingenouity comes at a cost. People will always have an oppinion about you- as they cant define who you are they try to "figure you out" because you scare them and make them uneasy. Everyone is one way or another, so why cant you be? is the question often asked. I dont care much for their thoughs, as long as they are people i a, dont like or b, dont even know. Thats where my friends come in handy. They know me, they can define me, and they will let me know when my behaviour has gone from ingenue to insane. Thats why i love them. They are honest with me, they are open, they tell me exactly how it is.
Its rare that one finds people who arent around to please you but are around for whom you are. Friendships should always be about honesty and openness. You should never have to sugarcoat your feelings with your friends because they know you and they will not take it the wrong way if you tell them when something is wrong.
If they do, they're not our true friend. Its that simple!
Montag, 23. August 2010
Fighter
The American Troops are leaving Iraq- „We’re comming home“! These cries were heard throughout various Tv and radio stations as the news broke. They left as they came- in the dark of the night, days before they were scheduled to leave. As this historic moment takes place I’ve come to ask myself what is going through the heads of these young men. What do they feel? Are they joyous? Are they scared about the future? Did they ask themselves why they were fighting in the first place?
The war has caused some major media storm, it has split a country into pro- and cons- and has laid the foundations for various books and TV documentaries. All the while I think it is important to discuss pros and cons of every affair in today’s politics I’ve been shocked to see so many people condescend the soldiers fighting in this war. Surely, events which occurred in Abu Grahib and Guantanamo are not pleasant; they must be investigated and those responsible convicted- yet what about those thousands of honest men who risk their lives ever day? What did they feel when their own people turned against them?
Some of these men are young boys fresh out of high school who wanted to use their war money to go to college- many of these young, hopeful individuals have died. Sure, maybe they died for a war they weren’t meant to fight- but they did. Shouldn’t we honour their memory by remembering how brave they were instead of condescending them for invading another country?!
We humans have a great way of blaming those who really aren’t responsible- the soldiers didn’t make the decision to invade Iraq by themselves. They were serving their country as it was run by their leader- however qualified or unqualified he may have been. They were fighting for freedom, for the liberation of an oppressed people- and all we can do is harass them from our sofas.
Instead of complaining about their uselessness, maybe we should ask ourselves what we have done to fight for our beliefs. When was the last time you spoke out about injustice? When was the last time you got involved to fight for what you believe? I’m not suggesting that you join the armed forces, but rather you should take a cue from them! They fight for their country, their hope of freedom daily-yet when do we fight? Its time for us civilians to get up from that couch and make a difference. These boys are fighting for us- its time that we fight for ourselves!
No matter what your opinion on this war was, has been, is, we should all salute these brave young men who risk their life in the fight for a free, better world!
The war has caused some major media storm, it has split a country into pro- and cons- and has laid the foundations for various books and TV documentaries. All the while I think it is important to discuss pros and cons of every affair in today’s politics I’ve been shocked to see so many people condescend the soldiers fighting in this war. Surely, events which occurred in Abu Grahib and Guantanamo are not pleasant; they must be investigated and those responsible convicted- yet what about those thousands of honest men who risk their lives ever day? What did they feel when their own people turned against them?
Some of these men are young boys fresh out of high school who wanted to use their war money to go to college- many of these young, hopeful individuals have died. Sure, maybe they died for a war they weren’t meant to fight- but they did. Shouldn’t we honour their memory by remembering how brave they were instead of condescending them for invading another country?!
We humans have a great way of blaming those who really aren’t responsible- the soldiers didn’t make the decision to invade Iraq by themselves. They were serving their country as it was run by their leader- however qualified or unqualified he may have been. They were fighting for freedom, for the liberation of an oppressed people- and all we can do is harass them from our sofas.
Instead of complaining about their uselessness, maybe we should ask ourselves what we have done to fight for our beliefs. When was the last time you spoke out about injustice? When was the last time you got involved to fight for what you believe? I’m not suggesting that you join the armed forces, but rather you should take a cue from them! They fight for their country, their hope of freedom daily-yet when do we fight? Its time for us civilians to get up from that couch and make a difference. These boys are fighting for us- its time that we fight for ourselves!
No matter what your opinion on this war was, has been, is, we should all salute these brave young men who risk their life in the fight for a free, better world!
Sonntag, 15. August 2010
See no evil?
When we are born, we are born into a world that will shape out personality and our habits. Yet what do we bring into this world? Are we but a mere white sheet which will be splattered with the colours of our experiences or are we already an outline of what will happen?
People say, babies or the purest form of being- they are neither good nor evil. They become what society makes of them. We are what society makes of us. Or is it really that simple? Are we born free of any trace of evil or is there something in us that determins from day 1 who we will be?
Children who bite one another- are they simply a proudct of this world or is there something within them that makes them do things? When people purposefully inflict sadness and pain upon others do they do it because they were shaped into doing so by those around them?
When people say "They were a product of their surroundings" i believe its all talk. Can life really be as easy as saying "blame it on circumstance". We are who we are because we have what we are goign to be deep within ourselves. Surely, what we experience in our lives has some sort of effect on what we become, yet we have everythign we will be in life already within us.
When we are born, we are born with all the assets we will need for the future. Goodness and badness are embedded within ourselves and will surface. Dont blame circumstance, dont blame society- you are who you are.
People say, babies or the purest form of being- they are neither good nor evil. They become what society makes of them. We are what society makes of us. Or is it really that simple? Are we born free of any trace of evil or is there something in us that determins from day 1 who we will be?
Children who bite one another- are they simply a proudct of this world or is there something within them that makes them do things? When people purposefully inflict sadness and pain upon others do they do it because they were shaped into doing so by those around them?
When people say "They were a product of their surroundings" i believe its all talk. Can life really be as easy as saying "blame it on circumstance". We are who we are because we have what we are goign to be deep within ourselves. Surely, what we experience in our lives has some sort of effect on what we become, yet we have everythign we will be in life already within us.
When we are born, we are born with all the assets we will need for the future. Goodness and badness are embedded within ourselves and will surface. Dont blame circumstance, dont blame society- you are who you are.
Sonntag, 8. August 2010
Caricature du jour
Its Monday folks, and its once again time for some thoughts for your week! This week i've dedicated to caricatures- the ones we create of others and of ourselves.
This theme started when i stumbled upon a CV of some one who is campaigning for a seat on a committee this fall. having known this person for quite some time, im pretty abt at telling what her interests are and what her talents are. Under "languages" she listed that she spoke german, english, french and italian. I almost fell off my chair. The only thing the girl knows in french is "merci" and her italian ends somewhere with "espresso" and "pizza frutti di mare". She furthermore listed travel and photography as her hobbies- though i have my doubts about whether you can count the 2 hour drive home as "travel"?! Yet, whos going to contradict her CV? It was then that i started to wonder: When we write things about ourselves how far do we go? Let me be honest with you- i dont really like this girl. Nonetheless, if she had all the talents she lited, id have said nothing. But when people blatently pretend that they ca do things they cant it bothers me. Yet, dont we all do it?
When we write things about ourselves, we tend to exaggerate the positive and tone down the negative. Being good at organizing turns into "planning expert" and restlessness turns into "great motivation". Why do we feel the need to impress people on paper when we know that once they meet us in person, they will likely realize it was bluff? Surely, no one wants to write on their CV "I may be unmotivated at times and between 12 and 3 im not really into hard work" and thats not what im campaigning for. Shouldnt we all be honest with ourselves, first and foremost? Instead of creating these uber images of ourselves, shouldnt we just love the person we are? Worst of all- couldnt we risk loosing ourselves amidst all the images we so carefully create?
Worse than the caricatures we create of ourselves are the caricatures we create of others. They may be people we arent very fond of, they may be our family, they may be our lovers- It continues to baffle me why we insist on making them into something they are not. Shy people thus become "arrogant", funny people become "obscene" and slim people become "anorexic". WHY? Why do we make people into something they aren`t? Maybe its our own securites which force us to find flaws in the people around us to make it more bearable for ourselves. Maybe all we're really trying to do is bring down the people around us because they appear to be doing so much better than ourselves. The grass is always greener on the other side, after all. On the other hand maybe its also envy. We envy the quiet person next to us because we're loud. We envy the funny people because we dont even get the jokes in the morning papers. We envy the skinny ones because for us, standing in front of the mirror is a fight- every day. In order to stop making people into things they're not, we first need to identify why we do so: are we envious or are we simply scared? Are we doing it because we feel of lesser value or because we want what they have?
When we create caricatures of ourselves and of those around us, we ultimately seek to compensate for something. We hide our own insecurities and self-percieved flaws behind images we've build to distract others. The only problem is that these caricatures can fall apart faster than a sandcaslte. If we pretend to be something we're not, it will always come out. It might take years- it may only take a day. At the end of it all, shouldnt we be loved and appreciated for being who we really are and not for something we pretend to be? How can somebody love us if they think we're a spanish opera diva when really we're a music teacher from New Jersey?
We all have strenghts and we all have weaknesses- maybe its time we stopped hiding them and came clean.
This theme started when i stumbled upon a CV of some one who is campaigning for a seat on a committee this fall. having known this person for quite some time, im pretty abt at telling what her interests are and what her talents are. Under "languages" she listed that she spoke german, english, french and italian. I almost fell off my chair. The only thing the girl knows in french is "merci" and her italian ends somewhere with "espresso" and "pizza frutti di mare". She furthermore listed travel and photography as her hobbies- though i have my doubts about whether you can count the 2 hour drive home as "travel"?! Yet, whos going to contradict her CV? It was then that i started to wonder: When we write things about ourselves how far do we go? Let me be honest with you- i dont really like this girl. Nonetheless, if she had all the talents she lited, id have said nothing. But when people blatently pretend that they ca do things they cant it bothers me. Yet, dont we all do it?
When we write things about ourselves, we tend to exaggerate the positive and tone down the negative. Being good at organizing turns into "planning expert" and restlessness turns into "great motivation". Why do we feel the need to impress people on paper when we know that once they meet us in person, they will likely realize it was bluff? Surely, no one wants to write on their CV "I may be unmotivated at times and between 12 and 3 im not really into hard work" and thats not what im campaigning for. Shouldnt we all be honest with ourselves, first and foremost? Instead of creating these uber images of ourselves, shouldnt we just love the person we are? Worst of all- couldnt we risk loosing ourselves amidst all the images we so carefully create?
Worse than the caricatures we create of ourselves are the caricatures we create of others. They may be people we arent very fond of, they may be our family, they may be our lovers- It continues to baffle me why we insist on making them into something they are not. Shy people thus become "arrogant", funny people become "obscene" and slim people become "anorexic". WHY? Why do we make people into something they aren`t? Maybe its our own securites which force us to find flaws in the people around us to make it more bearable for ourselves. Maybe all we're really trying to do is bring down the people around us because they appear to be doing so much better than ourselves. The grass is always greener on the other side, after all. On the other hand maybe its also envy. We envy the quiet person next to us because we're loud. We envy the funny people because we dont even get the jokes in the morning papers. We envy the skinny ones because for us, standing in front of the mirror is a fight- every day. In order to stop making people into things they're not, we first need to identify why we do so: are we envious or are we simply scared? Are we doing it because we feel of lesser value or because we want what they have?
When we create caricatures of ourselves and of those around us, we ultimately seek to compensate for something. We hide our own insecurities and self-percieved flaws behind images we've build to distract others. The only problem is that these caricatures can fall apart faster than a sandcaslte. If we pretend to be something we're not, it will always come out. It might take years- it may only take a day. At the end of it all, shouldnt we be loved and appreciated for being who we really are and not for something we pretend to be? How can somebody love us if they think we're a spanish opera diva when really we're a music teacher from New Jersey?
We all have strenghts and we all have weaknesses- maybe its time we stopped hiding them and came clean.
Montag, 2. August 2010
Around the world in 30 days
Yours truly is back from her holiday and ready to spice up the rest of your summer with some mind dynamite!
Travelling the world is supposed to widen your horizon and to introduce you to various cultural aspects of the place, which you’re visiting. For me, travelling is more than just discovering. Its about immersing yourself in something unknown and to come out of the experience with an open heart and mind.
To my great dismay, many people seem to travel only to criticize. Just recently, I spent my lunch at an Ice Cream parlour in the U.S, only to hear the people behind me (nationality omitted) complain about “all the fat people”. Various studies have shown, that U.S citizens are, infact, heavier built than Europeans. This is no hidden fact, its widely known. So someone explain to me WHY you travel to the U.S and then complain about the fat people there? You’re in an ice cream parlour-you’re bound to run into some heaver people… My day got even weirder when the same people who complained about heavier built individuals ordered a super sundae which is intended for 6 people, at ate it…there were two of them.
There are other moments, like when people travelling to the middle east complain about seeing only veiled women- you knew this before hand! Why do you travel to a place you already have misconceiving about? Sure, sometimes you have to travel to places you’re not fond of- but why discern them immediately?
Throughout my time abroad, there was something, which irked me even more. “Urgh, our steak house at home is so much better!” I detest people who travel only to insist that everything is better at home. Please explain to me why you travel at all if home is so great?!? Sure enough, there are restaurants, which really don’t hit home, such as the “super trendy” steakhouse in New York City that served their filet mignon butterfly style, but there are so many great things to discover while travelling that you turn a blind eye on if you compare everything to home.
Travelling means seeing places- not picking them apart. What’s the point in stepping on the airplane if you’ve shut down your open-mindedness already? At the end its all about being open to new possibilities. Travel means seeing new things or rediscovering things you already knew.
Open your heart, free your mind and discover.
Travelling the world is supposed to widen your horizon and to introduce you to various cultural aspects of the place, which you’re visiting. For me, travelling is more than just discovering. Its about immersing yourself in something unknown and to come out of the experience with an open heart and mind.
To my great dismay, many people seem to travel only to criticize. Just recently, I spent my lunch at an Ice Cream parlour in the U.S, only to hear the people behind me (nationality omitted) complain about “all the fat people”. Various studies have shown, that U.S citizens are, infact, heavier built than Europeans. This is no hidden fact, its widely known. So someone explain to me WHY you travel to the U.S and then complain about the fat people there? You’re in an ice cream parlour-you’re bound to run into some heaver people… My day got even weirder when the same people who complained about heavier built individuals ordered a super sundae which is intended for 6 people, at ate it…there were two of them.
There are other moments, like when people travelling to the middle east complain about seeing only veiled women- you knew this before hand! Why do you travel to a place you already have misconceiving about? Sure, sometimes you have to travel to places you’re not fond of- but why discern them immediately?
Throughout my time abroad, there was something, which irked me even more. “Urgh, our steak house at home is so much better!” I detest people who travel only to insist that everything is better at home. Please explain to me why you travel at all if home is so great?!? Sure enough, there are restaurants, which really don’t hit home, such as the “super trendy” steakhouse in New York City that served their filet mignon butterfly style, but there are so many great things to discover while travelling that you turn a blind eye on if you compare everything to home.
Travelling means seeing places- not picking them apart. What’s the point in stepping on the airplane if you’ve shut down your open-mindedness already? At the end its all about being open to new possibilities. Travel means seeing new things or rediscovering things you already knew.
Open your heart, free your mind and discover.
Dienstag, 8. Juni 2010
Easy way out?
Throughout these past few weeks i've been thinking about the reasons why young people end their lives. Suicide is still such a taboo yet i really wonder why so many youngsters each year make the decision to take their lives?!
Some people say that those who comitt suicide just seek the easy way out because they cant deal with their lives. I severely disagree. Todays world is a tough place be or grow up in. People expect things from you all the time anywhere-and sometimes these expectations are too much to handle. Admit it, even you have been exhausted by people who are constatly in your face, forcing you to do stuff and fullfill expectations you never wanted to fulfill. Some may argue now that "thats life- you're always going to be faced with expectatiosn from people." Yes, i agree life is a set of expectations but shouldnt you be able to chose which expectations you get confronted with?
When you're young you're still finding your place in life and you need guidance and a helping had-yet more often than not these expectatiosn come from people who jst want to force their lifestyle upon your back. Expectations should motivate you to excell and not to hide in your closet and cry your eyes out day in day out. I do believe that you should push yourself but you should never let other push you. Encouragement is great if it comes from the heart and is intended in a warm loving way and not in the cold, "you're not good enough" kinda way.
Some people ask themselves why so many young celebrities in Hollywood take medication and drugs on a regular basis- but i wonder:how can they not? They live such public lives with people constantly criticizing them, commenting on their looks, their acting that it gets hard to know where to turn to! We expect so much from them that we forget that they are just humans. Its us with our craving for Paparazzi shots of Lady GaGa in her newest outfits, of Britney having a melt down or of Paris Hilton without panties who force people to turn to meds to numb the pain.
When faced with high expectations some poeple just turn their backs and do their own thing-which is admirable. Yet there are also those who cant just turn their backs because they want to live up to expectations even if it will break them. We should consider walking in their shoes before we judge them.
So ultimately, ending your own life is never just the easy way out because, prior to doing so, you've gone to hell and back.
Some people say that those who comitt suicide just seek the easy way out because they cant deal with their lives. I severely disagree. Todays world is a tough place be or grow up in. People expect things from you all the time anywhere-and sometimes these expectations are too much to handle. Admit it, even you have been exhausted by people who are constatly in your face, forcing you to do stuff and fullfill expectations you never wanted to fulfill. Some may argue now that "thats life- you're always going to be faced with expectatiosn from people." Yes, i agree life is a set of expectations but shouldnt you be able to chose which expectations you get confronted with?
When you're young you're still finding your place in life and you need guidance and a helping had-yet more often than not these expectatiosn come from people who jst want to force their lifestyle upon your back. Expectations should motivate you to excell and not to hide in your closet and cry your eyes out day in day out. I do believe that you should push yourself but you should never let other push you. Encouragement is great if it comes from the heart and is intended in a warm loving way and not in the cold, "you're not good enough" kinda way.
Some people ask themselves why so many young celebrities in Hollywood take medication and drugs on a regular basis- but i wonder:how can they not? They live such public lives with people constantly criticizing them, commenting on their looks, their acting that it gets hard to know where to turn to! We expect so much from them that we forget that they are just humans. Its us with our craving for Paparazzi shots of Lady GaGa in her newest outfits, of Britney having a melt down or of Paris Hilton without panties who force people to turn to meds to numb the pain.
When faced with high expectations some poeple just turn their backs and do their own thing-which is admirable. Yet there are also those who cant just turn their backs because they want to live up to expectations even if it will break them. We should consider walking in their shoes before we judge them.
So ultimately, ending your own life is never just the easy way out because, prior to doing so, you've gone to hell and back.
Montag, 7. Juni 2010
Judge Betty
Its time for some more monday thoughts!
This weekend i was at a housewarming party of a friend of my sisters. It was your typical mix of PC nerds, stylers and young parents. The night was quite amusing until the talk turned serious- to children. One of these nouveau parents asked my sister, once he learned that she was 33 and had been dating the sam man for almost 4 years, why she didnt have children... Way to kill a party people!!
This is when the inevitable question popped up in my brain- do we have the right to infringe upon others life choices? Are there things people should just do after a certain time and age? Or is this just empty talk by those who have been pressured by society into being a certain way?
Fact is, a woman who says she doesnt have kids or doesnt want kids is regarded as odd! One of my favourite scenes in the new sex and the city movie is when Carrie and Big are asked when they will be having children- and the shock reaction upon their response "it'll just be the two of us!" What is WRONG with it just being the "two of us"?? Whenever people ask a couple why they dont have children they always seem to insinuate that being a couple is not enough- why?
Society dictates that a family is a man, a woman and some children. Yet with time flying by and new ideals forming, what is wrong with a family just being man and woman? Or man and man? Woman and woman? What is wrong with the choice of NOT having children? Funny enough, the question mostly comes from couple who have children themselves-"because children are just such a joy!" How about you enjoy your kids then and leave the rest of us alone? If i were mean id say that they just want to flaunt their success in our faces yet i dont believe its that simple. As i mentioned above, society says that we should procreate and many do- so for them seeing people who freely choose not to is uncomprehensible.
What bothers me though is that we make people feel inadequate because they choose not to procreate. Maybe they cant,maybe they didnt want to raise a child in poverty or maybe they werent sure they'd be good parents- these are all valuable reasons for staying "just the two" yet we constantly condescend couples for it. What about those people who have children just for the sake of child benefit money? Or because with 6 kids they are entitled to a larger flat from social services? Why dont we judge them?
At the end of the day, whether you have children or not is a lifestyle coice you have to make by yourself because noone knows how its like to walk in your shoes. When confronted with the question "why dont you have kids?" maybe its time to smile to yourself and pitty the poor person opposite you who has succumbed to what society has prescribed for him. You should make your own rules in life and even if you're judged for it- stand by your choices and stand proud. This is your life and the choices you make only need to sit well with you.
to all the others: Maybe its time you stop judging...!
This weekend i was at a housewarming party of a friend of my sisters. It was your typical mix of PC nerds, stylers and young parents. The night was quite amusing until the talk turned serious- to children. One of these nouveau parents asked my sister, once he learned that she was 33 and had been dating the sam man for almost 4 years, why she didnt have children... Way to kill a party people!!
This is when the inevitable question popped up in my brain- do we have the right to infringe upon others life choices? Are there things people should just do after a certain time and age? Or is this just empty talk by those who have been pressured by society into being a certain way?
Fact is, a woman who says she doesnt have kids or doesnt want kids is regarded as odd! One of my favourite scenes in the new sex and the city movie is when Carrie and Big are asked when they will be having children- and the shock reaction upon their response "it'll just be the two of us!" What is WRONG with it just being the "two of us"?? Whenever people ask a couple why they dont have children they always seem to insinuate that being a couple is not enough- why?
Society dictates that a family is a man, a woman and some children. Yet with time flying by and new ideals forming, what is wrong with a family just being man and woman? Or man and man? Woman and woman? What is wrong with the choice of NOT having children? Funny enough, the question mostly comes from couple who have children themselves-"because children are just such a joy!" How about you enjoy your kids then and leave the rest of us alone? If i were mean id say that they just want to flaunt their success in our faces yet i dont believe its that simple. As i mentioned above, society says that we should procreate and many do- so for them seeing people who freely choose not to is uncomprehensible.
What bothers me though is that we make people feel inadequate because they choose not to procreate. Maybe they cant,maybe they didnt want to raise a child in poverty or maybe they werent sure they'd be good parents- these are all valuable reasons for staying "just the two" yet we constantly condescend couples for it. What about those people who have children just for the sake of child benefit money? Or because with 6 kids they are entitled to a larger flat from social services? Why dont we judge them?
At the end of the day, whether you have children or not is a lifestyle coice you have to make by yourself because noone knows how its like to walk in your shoes. When confronted with the question "why dont you have kids?" maybe its time to smile to yourself and pitty the poor person opposite you who has succumbed to what society has prescribed for him. You should make your own rules in life and even if you're judged for it- stand by your choices and stand proud. This is your life and the choices you make only need to sit well with you.
to all the others: Maybe its time you stop judging...!
Dienstag, 1. Juni 2010
Home sweet home
Its the start of another busy weeks folks, and as usual im bringing you my thoughts of the week so that you can start off inspired! Although ive previously taken to the theme of "home" id like to look at it again yet from another angle!
What makes a home a good home? When is a home really a HOME and not just a place you spend your days at between work and parties?
When you suffer of homelessness, like moi, you need your home to be a place that looks and feels like you. I for one wnat my home to be warm, cozy and filled with light. Others may want their home to be a stylish designer haven filled with art and crafts and thats amazing too. What a home really needs to be, thus, is a place that makes YOU feel "at home".
However, more than once such a home is hard to find. I cant stand to be at my parents house for more than a couple of hours because not only does the place itsself feel cold and hard, the atmosphere is too. Just like the pale beige sofas will not forgive a wine stain, the people living in it will not forgive the free spirit. Its funny, when living at home you get the impression that your house is the only home you'll ever have yet once you move out you realize all the things wrong with it. Dont get me wrong, i love my parents and i am grateful for the way they raised me, but as im growing up i simply cannot find myself to be drawn to the same "beige and white" household style that they covet. Everything in my appartment screams comfort and coziness- from the sheepskins on my floor to the 3000 pillows and comforters stewn around the place- i want people to feel like they can just fall down and be whoever they are when they're with me.
So maybe thats the secret to your perfect HOME: its the place you create for yourself in between all the deadlines, meetings, lunches, dinners, cocktailparties and disputes: its the place where you can be who you are and say what you want. Its where you can spill wine on the rug without hearing how ungrateful you are and where you can stand gazing at your open fridge for hours (i know you do that too!!) Its the place that you love to come home to because you know its exactly the way you need it to be.
What makes a home a good home? When is a home really a HOME and not just a place you spend your days at between work and parties?
When you suffer of homelessness, like moi, you need your home to be a place that looks and feels like you. I for one wnat my home to be warm, cozy and filled with light. Others may want their home to be a stylish designer haven filled with art and crafts and thats amazing too. What a home really needs to be, thus, is a place that makes YOU feel "at home".
However, more than once such a home is hard to find. I cant stand to be at my parents house for more than a couple of hours because not only does the place itsself feel cold and hard, the atmosphere is too. Just like the pale beige sofas will not forgive a wine stain, the people living in it will not forgive the free spirit. Its funny, when living at home you get the impression that your house is the only home you'll ever have yet once you move out you realize all the things wrong with it. Dont get me wrong, i love my parents and i am grateful for the way they raised me, but as im growing up i simply cannot find myself to be drawn to the same "beige and white" household style that they covet. Everything in my appartment screams comfort and coziness- from the sheepskins on my floor to the 3000 pillows and comforters stewn around the place- i want people to feel like they can just fall down and be whoever they are when they're with me.
So maybe thats the secret to your perfect HOME: its the place you create for yourself in between all the deadlines, meetings, lunches, dinners, cocktailparties and disputes: its the place where you can be who you are and say what you want. Its where you can spill wine on the rug without hearing how ungrateful you are and where you can stand gazing at your open fridge for hours (i know you do that too!!) Its the place that you love to come home to because you know its exactly the way you need it to be.
Mittwoch, 19. Mai 2010
It's all good
Ive been thinking about forgiveness lately. What does it mean to you? What can forgiveness do, what can it heal?
When people hurt you and push you into the dirt can/should you forgive them? Can forgiveness heal the wounds of the past or are we expecting it to do too much?
Ive been hurt a couple of times in my life and ive forgiven some of them yet with others i have my difficulties. I really dont know why i discriminate yet there are some people i cannot bring myself to forgive. There are people who have hurt me so much and in such an awful fashion that i cannot find it in my deepest heart to forgive them. Am i in the wrong for not being able to?
Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. Yet forgiveness can sometimes turn into denial- forgiving turns into forgetting. And this is exactly what i dont want to happen. The pain and suffering have shaped me into the person i am today. I do believe that you shouldnt hold grudge against people forever-you have to let go of pain and anger; which i have. I have completely let go of my anger and my frustration yet i cannot forgive some of the people who have installed such pain in me. I cannot forgive them for being disrespectful because that is something which i cannot forgive. Disrespecting a person when you dont know them is unforgiveable. Condescending someone beacuse they are different to you is just plain disgusting.
Maybe that is the reason i cannot forgive them: because they have shown traits which i cannot understand a person to have. Humans should be kind, loving and giving-not evil, condescending and cruel. Forgiveness is a concept that can heal wounds which have been inflcited on some sort of rational basis yet it can never and should never be used to numb the pain which is provoked purely for the fun of it.
At the end of the day i can say, "Im all good" because ive come to term with not being able to forgive something that should not be forgiven. Be wise about who you forgive because its a powerful tool- one that should not go to waste for people who dont deserve it.
When people hurt you and push you into the dirt can/should you forgive them? Can forgiveness heal the wounds of the past or are we expecting it to do too much?
Ive been hurt a couple of times in my life and ive forgiven some of them yet with others i have my difficulties. I really dont know why i discriminate yet there are some people i cannot bring myself to forgive. There are people who have hurt me so much and in such an awful fashion that i cannot find it in my deepest heart to forgive them. Am i in the wrong for not being able to?
Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. Yet forgiveness can sometimes turn into denial- forgiving turns into forgetting. And this is exactly what i dont want to happen. The pain and suffering have shaped me into the person i am today. I do believe that you shouldnt hold grudge against people forever-you have to let go of pain and anger; which i have. I have completely let go of my anger and my frustration yet i cannot forgive some of the people who have installed such pain in me. I cannot forgive them for being disrespectful because that is something which i cannot forgive. Disrespecting a person when you dont know them is unforgiveable. Condescending someone beacuse they are different to you is just plain disgusting.
Maybe that is the reason i cannot forgive them: because they have shown traits which i cannot understand a person to have. Humans should be kind, loving and giving-not evil, condescending and cruel. Forgiveness is a concept that can heal wounds which have been inflcited on some sort of rational basis yet it can never and should never be used to numb the pain which is provoked purely for the fun of it.
At the end of the day i can say, "Im all good" because ive come to term with not being able to forgive something that should not be forgiven. Be wise about who you forgive because its a powerful tool- one that should not go to waste for people who dont deserve it.
Dienstag, 18. Mai 2010
Save our Souls
This is working out to be an inspirational week!!!
Ive recently come to think about salvation. I dont mean what happens to your soul once you die, although that is something to think about too. What has gotten my mind working is how we find salvation on a daily basis. Who will save us when we're drowning?
In our every day lives, we are surrounded by temptation, stress and fear. We are afarid what will happen when we dont live up to expectations, we stress about our relationships, our workload and the pimples on our forehead. (Although that last one is easily solved with Cliniques Spot Treatment, FYI) We are constantly tempted by parties, men, women, fashion and alcohol. Temptation is everywhere and noone can blame you if you slip. However, how do you get back up.
I used to depend on other people to pick me back up. When i had a shitty day at school or work, id call my boyfriend, my best friend or id simply post my shitty-ness on Facebook to let others pick me up. It did work quite well for some time but then the inevitable happens: you get lazy. You forget how it feels like to pick yourself up from the pieces of your life and you're lost whe there is noone to do it for you. Its not a fun feeling to realize that, when there is noone around, you're pretty much lost in your own world and mind.
It was then i realized that salvation cannot come from the hands of others-it must come from within. Yes, you should always have people in your life that pcik you up but you shouldnt plan on that happening 24/7. The only way that you can save your soul is by knowing how to pick up the broken pieces and start again or keep going. You have to be your very own salvation.
When the going gets rough, dont blast your radio with cries of S.O.S- save yourself!
Ive recently come to think about salvation. I dont mean what happens to your soul once you die, although that is something to think about too. What has gotten my mind working is how we find salvation on a daily basis. Who will save us when we're drowning?
In our every day lives, we are surrounded by temptation, stress and fear. We are afarid what will happen when we dont live up to expectations, we stress about our relationships, our workload and the pimples on our forehead. (Although that last one is easily solved with Cliniques Spot Treatment, FYI) We are constantly tempted by parties, men, women, fashion and alcohol. Temptation is everywhere and noone can blame you if you slip. However, how do you get back up.
I used to depend on other people to pick me back up. When i had a shitty day at school or work, id call my boyfriend, my best friend or id simply post my shitty-ness on Facebook to let others pick me up. It did work quite well for some time but then the inevitable happens: you get lazy. You forget how it feels like to pick yourself up from the pieces of your life and you're lost whe there is noone to do it for you. Its not a fun feeling to realize that, when there is noone around, you're pretty much lost in your own world and mind.
It was then i realized that salvation cannot come from the hands of others-it must come from within. Yes, you should always have people in your life that pcik you up but you shouldnt plan on that happening 24/7. The only way that you can save your soul is by knowing how to pick up the broken pieces and start again or keep going. You have to be your very own salvation.
When the going gets rough, dont blast your radio with cries of S.O.S- save yourself!
Montag, 17. Mai 2010
Price to pay
To start off the new week with inspiration and many questions to ask, i want to discuss the notion of "friendship". What makes a friendship a good one? And when is it time to simply walk away?
Friendships are supposed to offer you comfort and warmth. They are the outlet for fear, frustration, love, laughter and happiness. Having friends around you ensure you have a safetynet when you run danger of falling. This concept, however, expects that your friends will actually be there to catch you.
In highschool, you tend to choose your friends because they belong in the same category as yourself: emo, Goth, punk, popular, cheerleader, football jocks etc etc. Yet, once you grow up and leave high school behind (some people never do, mind you!) you start picking friends who mirror who you've become or who you want to be. Friendships are incredibly important to a healthy life- nonetheless there is a point where friendships become distructive.I believe that friends are supposed to pull you through the tough times and laugh with you about anything. However, friendships, like any relationship, can end. What are reasons for ending a friendship? When is it time to just "let it die"?
I had a close friend some time ago with whom i shared everything. I knew her inside out, stood by her when her mother became very sick and held her hand when her studies were running danger of being over. Then she met her current boyfriend. Suddenly, it was my duty to badger her into hanging out, to have dinner together etc. I had to forcer her into spending time with me rather than i-chat with her lover. There is a saying "Bros before hoes" and i fully support it (transported to the female perspective of course :) ) You should NEVER abandon your friends for lovers. ever. Its just bad manners. Simple as that. When you're the one being abandoned, for whatever reason, you should stay and fight-not forever though. Its perfectly normal at the beginning of a relationship to be wanting to spend as much time with your parter as possible and friends need to accept that. Howvere, There comes a point where you have to let it go because a real friend-someone who cherishes you-will not let you go. Its that simple. I let my friend go, in the hope that maybe one day we could pick up where we'd left off. I ran into her on the street a couple of days ago- she bumped me out of the way with her bag. So much for that.
I love my friends. They make me strong, they make me happy and they give me a reason to keep going. When you have amazing friends you have to remember to always let them know how amazing they are to you. Friends are what make you rich. They are the family you can choose.
Friendships are supposed to offer you comfort and warmth. They are the outlet for fear, frustration, love, laughter and happiness. Having friends around you ensure you have a safetynet when you run danger of falling. This concept, however, expects that your friends will actually be there to catch you.
In highschool, you tend to choose your friends because they belong in the same category as yourself: emo, Goth, punk, popular, cheerleader, football jocks etc etc. Yet, once you grow up and leave high school behind (some people never do, mind you!) you start picking friends who mirror who you've become or who you want to be. Friendships are incredibly important to a healthy life- nonetheless there is a point where friendships become distructive.I believe that friends are supposed to pull you through the tough times and laugh with you about anything. However, friendships, like any relationship, can end. What are reasons for ending a friendship? When is it time to just "let it die"?
I had a close friend some time ago with whom i shared everything. I knew her inside out, stood by her when her mother became very sick and held her hand when her studies were running danger of being over. Then she met her current boyfriend. Suddenly, it was my duty to badger her into hanging out, to have dinner together etc. I had to forcer her into spending time with me rather than i-chat with her lover. There is a saying "Bros before hoes" and i fully support it (transported to the female perspective of course :) ) You should NEVER abandon your friends for lovers. ever. Its just bad manners. Simple as that. When you're the one being abandoned, for whatever reason, you should stay and fight-not forever though. Its perfectly normal at the beginning of a relationship to be wanting to spend as much time with your parter as possible and friends need to accept that. Howvere, There comes a point where you have to let it go because a real friend-someone who cherishes you-will not let you go. Its that simple. I let my friend go, in the hope that maybe one day we could pick up where we'd left off. I ran into her on the street a couple of days ago- she bumped me out of the way with her bag. So much for that.
I love my friends. They make me strong, they make me happy and they give me a reason to keep going. When you have amazing friends you have to remember to always let them know how amazing they are to you. Friends are what make you rich. They are the family you can choose.
Montag, 10. Mai 2010
Cease to exist
In today’s world, it has become evident that people don’t always get along. Americans and the Taliban, George W Bush and the Europeans, Greece and the rest of the EU…me and a ton of other people. Yet I’ve come to wonder, how do you deal with people in these situations? Should you show your distaste for the person or should you, despite all the odd ends, which connect you, remain respectful and put-together?
:I grew up in an environment that promoted respect above all and it is a value that I live by today. I believe that, not matter how much you despise the person, you should always respect them and treat them as a human being. I sadly had to learn that there are people who live differently. This is the first type of person which challenges my beliefs, however: Someone, whom I again shall not name, I was close to decided that I was too much of a threat to her and thus, out of jealousy and hatred, she began to destroy me. The stories which she made up, the evil things she did, to this day remain incomprehensible to me. Nonetheless, no matter how much I hate her and how much I blame her for some of my present insecurities, I will not be disrespectful. I simply don’t acknowledge her but I will not cross the lien to disrespectful.
The second type of person is the exact opposite of Type 1- they will always be nice to you, talk to you and want to hang out with you, but you both know that he or she hates your guts. Funny enough, this next person whom I make reference to is the mentor of person 1. Odd how things connect… I find these people the hardest to bear- I like to know what I’m dealing with upfront! Having to watch ones back gets irritating and frustrating-yet millions of people act like Type 2. Nobody likes fakes Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags and essentially you’re like one of those “contrefacons” you can buy in dark corners of street markets: cheap and unnecessary. Thus Here’s advice if you’re a number 2: Stop immediately. Do you really want to end up like all those fake products which customs pulls out yearly-shredded to pieces?
At the end of the day, there is an important lesson to be learned: no matter how much you despise a person and no matter what they may have don’t to you- “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” You need to remember that no matter how terrible someone has treated you, they are still a human being and you need to respect them. You don’t have to like them or even to care for them but you must always respect them. It’s a hard journey to find that respect for people who, on the surface, don’t deserve it- but once you find that respect within yourself, you’ll be a better and stronger individual.
:I grew up in an environment that promoted respect above all and it is a value that I live by today. I believe that, not matter how much you despise the person, you should always respect them and treat them as a human being. I sadly had to learn that there are people who live differently. This is the first type of person which challenges my beliefs, however: Someone, whom I again shall not name, I was close to decided that I was too much of a threat to her and thus, out of jealousy and hatred, she began to destroy me. The stories which she made up, the evil things she did, to this day remain incomprehensible to me. Nonetheless, no matter how much I hate her and how much I blame her for some of my present insecurities, I will not be disrespectful. I simply don’t acknowledge her but I will not cross the lien to disrespectful.
The second type of person is the exact opposite of Type 1- they will always be nice to you, talk to you and want to hang out with you, but you both know that he or she hates your guts. Funny enough, this next person whom I make reference to is the mentor of person 1. Odd how things connect… I find these people the hardest to bear- I like to know what I’m dealing with upfront! Having to watch ones back gets irritating and frustrating-yet millions of people act like Type 2. Nobody likes fakes Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags and essentially you’re like one of those “contrefacons” you can buy in dark corners of street markets: cheap and unnecessary. Thus Here’s advice if you’re a number 2: Stop immediately. Do you really want to end up like all those fake products which customs pulls out yearly-shredded to pieces?
At the end of the day, there is an important lesson to be learned: no matter how much you despise a person and no matter what they may have don’t to you- “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” You need to remember that no matter how terrible someone has treated you, they are still a human being and you need to respect them. You don’t have to like them or even to care for them but you must always respect them. It’s a hard journey to find that respect for people who, on the surface, don’t deserve it- but once you find that respect within yourself, you’ll be a better and stronger individual.
Montag, 3. Mai 2010
My dear Narcissus
When you look in the mirror, whom do you see? Do you see someone who is perfect or do you see someone who is a good person, despite some flaws?
I’ve come to ask myself this questions several times this past week-always with regard to a certain person. First off, I don’t like this person. In fact, I think that he is one of the most ignorant selfish idiots who have crossed my path-yet I find myself constantly analyzing his behaviour thinking “you’ve got to be kidding me!” So the question arises: do you see yourself clearly?
This person is someone who has an opinion about everything and everyone and isn’t afraid to show it. As much as I enjoy someone who has an opinion, I don’t enjoy it when people think that their opinion is the only right one. That’s the thing with opinions- they’re subjective. A good argument is one, which way pros and cons and then decides based on the presented arguments. The person I’m writing about has somehow not understood this concept.
When you think you’re better than everyone around you, there’s a strong chance you’re either totally bonkers or seriously full of yourself- mostly it’s a combination of the two. People who think that they are what the world needs seem to miss one thing: no one needs them! We don’t need someone around us who is constantly belittling, making us feel unworthy of existing. What’s even worse, whenever something doesn’t go the way these people intended, they blame others (see my essay on the constant victim J )
The person who has inspired me to ramble on about this is such a person. He left a student group because the people did not want him to be chairperson for a semester. Instead of asking himself why people didn’t want him as their representative and president of the society, he simply left and joined a rival society. Argument: ”They don’t know how great I am” True, not everyone is going to love you-but when even your roommate says that you’re full of yourself and you loose a presidential election to someone who is 5 years your junior you might want to start asking some questions. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that you should think highly of yourself and that you should hold your head high-yet when it starts raining into your nostrils, you have taken things too far.
When I look in the mirror, I see someone slightly neurotic who is a tad chaotic at times yet at the same time I see someone who is full of love, of joy and of compassion. You might wonder which mirror I’ve looked into? I looked into the most honest mirror one can find-the eyes of those around me. Our friends help us see ourselves clearly because they love us and they will be honest with you. Our friends shape us and we shape them- it’s a perfect symbiosis. Yet in order for that to really work to the best of your advantage, you’re going to have to let them tell you what they see. Sometimes it can hurt, sometimes you can question their judgement but you should always listen to what they have to say because their eyes are the mirrors to the world!
Don’t be like Narcissus and drown in your own image of perfection and flawlessness.
I’ve come to ask myself this questions several times this past week-always with regard to a certain person. First off, I don’t like this person. In fact, I think that he is one of the most ignorant selfish idiots who have crossed my path-yet I find myself constantly analyzing his behaviour thinking “you’ve got to be kidding me!” So the question arises: do you see yourself clearly?
This person is someone who has an opinion about everything and everyone and isn’t afraid to show it. As much as I enjoy someone who has an opinion, I don’t enjoy it when people think that their opinion is the only right one. That’s the thing with opinions- they’re subjective. A good argument is one, which way pros and cons and then decides based on the presented arguments. The person I’m writing about has somehow not understood this concept.
When you think you’re better than everyone around you, there’s a strong chance you’re either totally bonkers or seriously full of yourself- mostly it’s a combination of the two. People who think that they are what the world needs seem to miss one thing: no one needs them! We don’t need someone around us who is constantly belittling, making us feel unworthy of existing. What’s even worse, whenever something doesn’t go the way these people intended, they blame others (see my essay on the constant victim J )
The person who has inspired me to ramble on about this is such a person. He left a student group because the people did not want him to be chairperson for a semester. Instead of asking himself why people didn’t want him as their representative and president of the society, he simply left and joined a rival society. Argument: ”They don’t know how great I am” True, not everyone is going to love you-but when even your roommate says that you’re full of yourself and you loose a presidential election to someone who is 5 years your junior you might want to start asking some questions. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that you should think highly of yourself and that you should hold your head high-yet when it starts raining into your nostrils, you have taken things too far.
When I look in the mirror, I see someone slightly neurotic who is a tad chaotic at times yet at the same time I see someone who is full of love, of joy and of compassion. You might wonder which mirror I’ve looked into? I looked into the most honest mirror one can find-the eyes of those around me. Our friends help us see ourselves clearly because they love us and they will be honest with you. Our friends shape us and we shape them- it’s a perfect symbiosis. Yet in order for that to really work to the best of your advantage, you’re going to have to let them tell you what they see. Sometimes it can hurt, sometimes you can question their judgement but you should always listen to what they have to say because their eyes are the mirrors to the world!
Don’t be like Narcissus and drown in your own image of perfection and flawlessness.
Montag, 19. April 2010
Who is to blame?
Due to recent events I have had to wonder who is to blame when things don’t go the way they are supposed to.
In life, we frequently have a plan how things are supposed to work out for us. However, life is unpredictable and often hits us in the face by doing the exact opposite of what we intend for it to do. Who do you blame?
Some blame primarily themselves or place the blame on others, while others again tend to blame circumstance. I believe that there are moments when its right to blame circumstance-when you know that you did EVERYTHING in your power to make things work. There are times when your work and your input simply don’t make the cut. Then you can only blame your surroundings. Yet, what if your input wasn’t as strong as it could have been? Should you blame just yourself? Or should you be able to leverage some of the blame on others?
The case, which I find most intriguing, is when others blame you without you having anything to do with what you’re taking the blame for. Is there a point in arguing when the other side sees only what they want to see?
They are what I like to call the eternal victims. Every mistake they make is blamed on Bob, Billy, Jennifer or the circumstances. Funny enough, when something amazing happens to them, it was ALL their work… They blame failure on others while busily collecting the fruit of the labour done by others. The great thing about playing the victim is that it takes a whole lot of responsibility off your back- the awful thing dealing with one is that all that responsibility is dropped on you. The challenge continues because no matter how hard you argue, the victim will never see that they are in the wrong, because that would mean they’d have to take responsibility. Ick! There are moments when we gladly take the blame for someone close to our hearts. Nonetheless, there is a moment when to step on the breaks. You cant spend your life covering up for others- you cant always take the bullets which are rightfully intended for someone else, because its going to make you sick.
The question of blame ultimately leads to the question of responsibility. Those who are to blame are the ones responsible. Sometimes, responsibility is a scary thing because it means that you might have to change something in your life plan. Yet, at the end of the day, taking responsibility for your actions enables you to grow into a stronger person. Once you accept that there are things, which are in fact your fault, you grow as an individual.
So maybe its time you take the blame.
In life, we frequently have a plan how things are supposed to work out for us. However, life is unpredictable and often hits us in the face by doing the exact opposite of what we intend for it to do. Who do you blame?
Some blame primarily themselves or place the blame on others, while others again tend to blame circumstance. I believe that there are moments when its right to blame circumstance-when you know that you did EVERYTHING in your power to make things work. There are times when your work and your input simply don’t make the cut. Then you can only blame your surroundings. Yet, what if your input wasn’t as strong as it could have been? Should you blame just yourself? Or should you be able to leverage some of the blame on others?
The case, which I find most intriguing, is when others blame you without you having anything to do with what you’re taking the blame for. Is there a point in arguing when the other side sees only what they want to see?
They are what I like to call the eternal victims. Every mistake they make is blamed on Bob, Billy, Jennifer or the circumstances. Funny enough, when something amazing happens to them, it was ALL their work… They blame failure on others while busily collecting the fruit of the labour done by others. The great thing about playing the victim is that it takes a whole lot of responsibility off your back- the awful thing dealing with one is that all that responsibility is dropped on you. The challenge continues because no matter how hard you argue, the victim will never see that they are in the wrong, because that would mean they’d have to take responsibility. Ick! There are moments when we gladly take the blame for someone close to our hearts. Nonetheless, there is a moment when to step on the breaks. You cant spend your life covering up for others- you cant always take the bullets which are rightfully intended for someone else, because its going to make you sick.
The question of blame ultimately leads to the question of responsibility. Those who are to blame are the ones responsible. Sometimes, responsibility is a scary thing because it means that you might have to change something in your life plan. Yet, at the end of the day, taking responsibility for your actions enables you to grow into a stronger person. Once you accept that there are things, which are in fact your fault, you grow as an individual.
So maybe its time you take the blame.
Mittwoch, 14. April 2010
The Quest
I was recently reminded of a fundamental question which my all-time heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, once posed: Can you have it all?
People are constantly searching for the perfect job, the perfect partner and the perfect friends, yet is there such a thing as being able to have it ALL? Or is the quest for the perfect threesome simply a way to distract ourselves from what we really have?
I have a charming friend who had amazing jobs, a killer social life, yet no girlfriend. He was constantly complaining that he didn’t have that special someone in his life and that his life was worthless. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he did have an amazing career and friends who were supportive and fun. When I recently engaged in a power lunch with him he happily informed me that he had now found the perfect woman for him. So he had it all. Not quite- he then went on to tell me that his professional life was falling to pieces; all of a sudden. So as soon as he got himself his damsel in distress, he lost his career. Karma?
In life, we are drilled to go higher, faster and better with each single step. We are taught that there is no limit to the sky; that we are to soar higher than anyone before us. From childhood on, we are taught that we NEED to have it all in order to be someone. What happens then is that this idea gets installed in our heads and we feel like failures when we don’t have it all. People who have amazing careers and wonderful friends despair over a girlfriend. Beautiful couples go insane over the perfect job, people with loving friends search for boyfriends to make them complete. When did we stop seeing the big picture? Just because you don’t have a dream job doesn’t mean your worthless, not having a partner doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. This quest for perfection has turned us into maniacs who forget the most important thing: WE ARE NOT PERFECT so HOW can we expect to live a perfect life. Perfection is an awful concept because it’s unattainable. Look at celebrities like Sandra Bullock: beautiful, talented with a cheating husband. Marilyn Monroe: Stunning yet so lonely. Or take my favourite designer, Marc Jacobs: amazing career, talent, cute boyfriend yet a past with drugs. None of these talented and amazing people were perfect yet they manage to take their assets and turn them into something amazing.
We need to stop trying to achieve the unachievable and let go of striving for perfection because, imagine what would happen IF we ever manage to reach it: we can only go down from there! Stop trying to perfect yourself and accept yourself with all of your shortcomings- you may not be supermodel height, yet you’re still beautiful. You may not have a boyfriend but you’re the one your friends rely on. You may not be editor in chief of the wonderful InStyle yet the readers of your communal newspaper love your short stories.
We may never be able to have it all, but we are able to have all that really matters!
People are constantly searching for the perfect job, the perfect partner and the perfect friends, yet is there such a thing as being able to have it ALL? Or is the quest for the perfect threesome simply a way to distract ourselves from what we really have?
I have a charming friend who had amazing jobs, a killer social life, yet no girlfriend. He was constantly complaining that he didn’t have that special someone in his life and that his life was worthless. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he did have an amazing career and friends who were supportive and fun. When I recently engaged in a power lunch with him he happily informed me that he had now found the perfect woman for him. So he had it all. Not quite- he then went on to tell me that his professional life was falling to pieces; all of a sudden. So as soon as he got himself his damsel in distress, he lost his career. Karma?
In life, we are drilled to go higher, faster and better with each single step. We are taught that there is no limit to the sky; that we are to soar higher than anyone before us. From childhood on, we are taught that we NEED to have it all in order to be someone. What happens then is that this idea gets installed in our heads and we feel like failures when we don’t have it all. People who have amazing careers and wonderful friends despair over a girlfriend. Beautiful couples go insane over the perfect job, people with loving friends search for boyfriends to make them complete. When did we stop seeing the big picture? Just because you don’t have a dream job doesn’t mean your worthless, not having a partner doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. This quest for perfection has turned us into maniacs who forget the most important thing: WE ARE NOT PERFECT so HOW can we expect to live a perfect life. Perfection is an awful concept because it’s unattainable. Look at celebrities like Sandra Bullock: beautiful, talented with a cheating husband. Marilyn Monroe: Stunning yet so lonely. Or take my favourite designer, Marc Jacobs: amazing career, talent, cute boyfriend yet a past with drugs. None of these talented and amazing people were perfect yet they manage to take their assets and turn them into something amazing.
We need to stop trying to achieve the unachievable and let go of striving for perfection because, imagine what would happen IF we ever manage to reach it: we can only go down from there! Stop trying to perfect yourself and accept yourself with all of your shortcomings- you may not be supermodel height, yet you’re still beautiful. You may not have a boyfriend but you’re the one your friends rely on. You may not be editor in chief of the wonderful InStyle yet the readers of your communal newspaper love your short stories.
We may never be able to have it all, but we are able to have all that really matters!
Montag, 29. März 2010
Führungsindisposition
Ein Kader ist per Definition „Eine Gruppe von Führungskräften in verschiedenen gesellschaftlichen Bereichen wie Politik, Industrie oder auch Sport, welche innerhalb der jeweiligen Organisation rekrutiert werden und deren Personenkreis institutionell geschlossen ist.“ Es stellt sich jedoch die Frage, was genau vor allem die sozialen Aufgaben sind und wie sich die Kadermitglieder untereinander zu verhalten haben.
Mitglied eines Kaders zu sein kann nicht halbherzig wahrgenommen werden; als Kadermitglied hat man Verantwortung nicht nur für seinen Aufgabenbereich, sondern auch für jedes Einzelne Mitglied der Organisation. Diese Verantwortung ist von zentraler Bedeutung. Nimmt ein Mitglied des Kaders seine Aufgaben nicht wahr, müssen sie von anderen erledigt werden. Man sollte sich deshalb bewusst werden, und dies VOR Antritt der Position, dass eine Kadermitgliedschaft nicht nur Ruhm und Ehre einbringt, sondern vor allem Verantwortung und harte Arbeit. Es gibt jedoch, wie überall, schwarze Schafe die sich nur für eine Kaderposition entscheiden, weil diese auf dem CV gut aussieht und etwas Prestige mit sich bringt. Einmal in dieser Position wird die Aufgabe an sich, d.h. das wahrnehmen von Terminen und erfüllen von Aufgaben, anderen überlassen. Sicherlich kann man nicht immer alles wahrnehmen was man sollte, jedoch sollte dies nicht zur Routine werden.
Dass es dies leider allzu oft wird, kann man an einem konkreten Beispiel aus der Vereinslandschaft der Schweiz erkennen. Als einzige Frau in einer Kaderposition hat man, auf der einen Seite, eine starke Rolle inmitten von Männern, auf der anderen Seite muss aber auch erkannt werden dass diese Rolle einem stärkeres abverlangt. Man erwartet mehr von ihr, da sie auf ganz natürliche Weise aus dem Kader hervorsticht. Es ist daher umso erschreckender und trauriger, dass sie besagte junge Dame immer mehr zur Quotenfrau entwickelt. Wobei das Wort „Quotenfrau“ hier noch zu freundlich ist. Man kann nicht in ein Kader treten, dass mehrere 100 Termine im Jahr zu absolvieren hat und dann nur ein hunderstel von diesen Wahrnehmen. Mit solchen Aktionen passiert folgendes: Zu erst werden Frauen in Kaderpositionen durch solches Verhalten generell disqualifiziert, weil man(n) sich ständig an eben jene Frau zurückerinnert. Zweitens leidet das gesamte Kader darunter, weil Aufgaben nicht erfüllt werden und Termine verpasst werden. Am schlimmsten ist es jedoch, dass das Vertrauen der restlichen Mitglieder in das Kader, welches sie gewählt haben und welches sie vertreten soll, auf das schlimmste verraten und enttäuscht wird. Das man sich dann am Ende doch noch Lorbeeren für besagtes Verhalten abholen will, ist unterhalb jeder Gürtellinie.
Was ist jedoch die Aufgabe anderer Kadermitglieder im Umgang mit solchen Fehlbesetzungen? Öffentliche Kritik ist sicher nicht der richtige Weg, da das Kader nach Aussen hin versuchen muss als Einheit aufzutreten. Die Konsequenzen sind vielmehr intern zu ziehen. Sachliche, fundierte Kritik muss immer geübt werden können ohne danach auf passiv-aggressiven Wiederstand zu stossen. Auf fundierte Kritik mit ausländerfeindlichen, unterhalb der Gürtellinie verlaufenden, Argumenten zu antworten zeugt von mangelnder Reife und Inkompetenz.
Als Kadermitglied sollte man sich zurück nehmen und das tun, was für das Wohl der Organisation am besten ist. In unserem Beispiel ist dies der Rücktritt.
Mitglied eines Kaders zu sein kann nicht halbherzig wahrgenommen werden; als Kadermitglied hat man Verantwortung nicht nur für seinen Aufgabenbereich, sondern auch für jedes Einzelne Mitglied der Organisation. Diese Verantwortung ist von zentraler Bedeutung. Nimmt ein Mitglied des Kaders seine Aufgaben nicht wahr, müssen sie von anderen erledigt werden. Man sollte sich deshalb bewusst werden, und dies VOR Antritt der Position, dass eine Kadermitgliedschaft nicht nur Ruhm und Ehre einbringt, sondern vor allem Verantwortung und harte Arbeit. Es gibt jedoch, wie überall, schwarze Schafe die sich nur für eine Kaderposition entscheiden, weil diese auf dem CV gut aussieht und etwas Prestige mit sich bringt. Einmal in dieser Position wird die Aufgabe an sich, d.h. das wahrnehmen von Terminen und erfüllen von Aufgaben, anderen überlassen. Sicherlich kann man nicht immer alles wahrnehmen was man sollte, jedoch sollte dies nicht zur Routine werden.
Dass es dies leider allzu oft wird, kann man an einem konkreten Beispiel aus der Vereinslandschaft der Schweiz erkennen. Als einzige Frau in einer Kaderposition hat man, auf der einen Seite, eine starke Rolle inmitten von Männern, auf der anderen Seite muss aber auch erkannt werden dass diese Rolle einem stärkeres abverlangt. Man erwartet mehr von ihr, da sie auf ganz natürliche Weise aus dem Kader hervorsticht. Es ist daher umso erschreckender und trauriger, dass sie besagte junge Dame immer mehr zur Quotenfrau entwickelt. Wobei das Wort „Quotenfrau“ hier noch zu freundlich ist. Man kann nicht in ein Kader treten, dass mehrere 100 Termine im Jahr zu absolvieren hat und dann nur ein hunderstel von diesen Wahrnehmen. Mit solchen Aktionen passiert folgendes: Zu erst werden Frauen in Kaderpositionen durch solches Verhalten generell disqualifiziert, weil man(n) sich ständig an eben jene Frau zurückerinnert. Zweitens leidet das gesamte Kader darunter, weil Aufgaben nicht erfüllt werden und Termine verpasst werden. Am schlimmsten ist es jedoch, dass das Vertrauen der restlichen Mitglieder in das Kader, welches sie gewählt haben und welches sie vertreten soll, auf das schlimmste verraten und enttäuscht wird. Das man sich dann am Ende doch noch Lorbeeren für besagtes Verhalten abholen will, ist unterhalb jeder Gürtellinie.
Was ist jedoch die Aufgabe anderer Kadermitglieder im Umgang mit solchen Fehlbesetzungen? Öffentliche Kritik ist sicher nicht der richtige Weg, da das Kader nach Aussen hin versuchen muss als Einheit aufzutreten. Die Konsequenzen sind vielmehr intern zu ziehen. Sachliche, fundierte Kritik muss immer geübt werden können ohne danach auf passiv-aggressiven Wiederstand zu stossen. Auf fundierte Kritik mit ausländerfeindlichen, unterhalb der Gürtellinie verlaufenden, Argumenten zu antworten zeugt von mangelnder Reife und Inkompetenz.
Als Kadermitglied sollte man sich zurück nehmen und das tun, was für das Wohl der Organisation am besten ist. In unserem Beispiel ist dies der Rücktritt.
Freitag, 26. März 2010
Das Geheimnis der Frau
Es kommt viel häufig vor, dass junge, bildhübsche Frauen kaum Selbstvertrauen und Selbstwertgefühl haben! Wie erklärt sich, dass eine bildhübsche Frau sich hässlich und abstsossend findet während der durchschnittliche Ballermann-Tourist sich mit seinem Bierbauch für Gottes Geschenk an die Menschheit hält?
Warum werden all die fabelhaften Frauen auf dieser Welt für Frauen, die durchschnittlicher nicht sein könnten, links liegengelassen? Aber vorallem, was macht eine Frau fabelhaft?
Es gibt Frauen, deren Vorbeilaufen eine Flut von Kopfdrehern und anerkennendem Nicken mit sich bringt. Doch es gibt nicht nur ein Typ Frau der diese Reaktion forciert- es sind grosse, kleine, dicke, dünne, blonde, rothaarige oder brünette Frauen deren auftreten so unnachahmlich ist, dass es staunen auslöst. Nur merken sie es oft nicht.
Es sind diese Frauen die an mangelndem Selbstbewusstsein und Selbstwertgefühl leiden, weil ihnen kaum jemand sagt, wie umwerfend sie eigentlich sind. Dieser Typ Frau wird in einer Bar kaum angesprochen-eben WEIL sie so unglaublich ist. Für die Frau ist es jedoch so, als sei sie völlig unattraktiv. Sie fragt sich, warum ihre Freundinnen angemacht werden und sie als einzige alleine an der Bar steht und an ihrem Drink nippt.
Doch was ist das Geheimnis dieser Frauen? Warum sind sie unwiederstehlich und trotzdem scheu und unbeholfen? Frauen dieses Typs waren nie die klassischen Schönheiten. In ihrer Kindheit gab e simmer etwas an ihnen, was nicht ganz in das Ideal passte: sie warem zu gross, zu klein, zu blond, nicht blond genug, nicht exotisch genug, zu exotisch... kurz um, sie passten nicht in das Ideal der Teeniewelt. Was dann passiert folgendes: während der Schulzeit nie als eine der schönen angesehen, wird weiter davon ausgegangen dass man nie eine der Schönen sein wird. Dabei lassen sie es völlig ausser Acht, dass sie sich verwandelt haben: weil sie früher nie von der Masse beachtet wurden haben sie sich ausserhalb dieser Kolossos zu etwas einzigartigem entwickelt. Sie entsprechen keiner Rolle, passen in keine Schublade und sie tun dies so selbstverständlich und mit solcher Leichtigkeit dass es keinen kalt lässt. Ihre Unwiederstehlichkeit ist Resultat ihrer Kindheit: sie mussten sich nie den Regeln der "Schönen" unterwerfen und konnten so ihre eigenen kreieren. Sie sind aussergewöhnlich weil sie 100% sie sebst sind und das muss gewürdigt werden!
In diesem Sinne: zeigt den wundervollen Frauen auf dieser Welt, dass ihr sie seht!
Warum werden all die fabelhaften Frauen auf dieser Welt für Frauen, die durchschnittlicher nicht sein könnten, links liegengelassen? Aber vorallem, was macht eine Frau fabelhaft?
Es gibt Frauen, deren Vorbeilaufen eine Flut von Kopfdrehern und anerkennendem Nicken mit sich bringt. Doch es gibt nicht nur ein Typ Frau der diese Reaktion forciert- es sind grosse, kleine, dicke, dünne, blonde, rothaarige oder brünette Frauen deren auftreten so unnachahmlich ist, dass es staunen auslöst. Nur merken sie es oft nicht.
Es sind diese Frauen die an mangelndem Selbstbewusstsein und Selbstwertgefühl leiden, weil ihnen kaum jemand sagt, wie umwerfend sie eigentlich sind. Dieser Typ Frau wird in einer Bar kaum angesprochen-eben WEIL sie so unglaublich ist. Für die Frau ist es jedoch so, als sei sie völlig unattraktiv. Sie fragt sich, warum ihre Freundinnen angemacht werden und sie als einzige alleine an der Bar steht und an ihrem Drink nippt.
Doch was ist das Geheimnis dieser Frauen? Warum sind sie unwiederstehlich und trotzdem scheu und unbeholfen? Frauen dieses Typs waren nie die klassischen Schönheiten. In ihrer Kindheit gab e simmer etwas an ihnen, was nicht ganz in das Ideal passte: sie warem zu gross, zu klein, zu blond, nicht blond genug, nicht exotisch genug, zu exotisch... kurz um, sie passten nicht in das Ideal der Teeniewelt. Was dann passiert folgendes: während der Schulzeit nie als eine der schönen angesehen, wird weiter davon ausgegangen dass man nie eine der Schönen sein wird. Dabei lassen sie es völlig ausser Acht, dass sie sich verwandelt haben: weil sie früher nie von der Masse beachtet wurden haben sie sich ausserhalb dieser Kolossos zu etwas einzigartigem entwickelt. Sie entsprechen keiner Rolle, passen in keine Schublade und sie tun dies so selbstverständlich und mit solcher Leichtigkeit dass es keinen kalt lässt. Ihre Unwiederstehlichkeit ist Resultat ihrer Kindheit: sie mussten sich nie den Regeln der "Schönen" unterwerfen und konnten so ihre eigenen kreieren. Sie sind aussergewöhnlich weil sie 100% sie sebst sind und das muss gewürdigt werden!
In diesem Sinne: zeigt den wundervollen Frauen auf dieser Welt, dass ihr sie seht!
Mittwoch, 24. März 2010
Friend or Frenemy?
Im feeling inspired today-sadly not in a good way. Id like to take a moment to discuss a topic which has become "incontournable" in the past few years: Frenemies.
What is a frenemy? A frenemy is someone you would consider a friend, yet who will never be a true friend to you. A frenemy makes you feel bad about yourself, uses you to make themselves feel better and will do anything to sabotage you, even indirectly, if it serves them any purpose.
Sure, there are the friends who you cry infront and there are the friends you cant even bring yourself to allow uncensored access to your Facebook profile (admit it, you do that too!!), yet where does the frenemy fit in? The problem with Frenemies is, that they DONT fit in any category. They're like the pretty girl in high school you wanted to hate because she was beautiful and smart but you couldnt because she also happened to be charming and funny.
A frenemy can pop up at any time, unanounced and smack you right in the balls. Its not pretty. Why am i writing about them? Because i have recently figured out that someone i thought a true friend, a supporter and a tutor turned out to be nothing more than a scham. Having someone talented, funny and exhilarating turn to be a frenemy is hurtful and makes you question your decisions and choices.
Ive been questioning my judgement- usually im ever so careful about who i let into my life because i dont want to be hit in the face at every chance one gets. Yet with this person, amybe i let my guard down too quickly- thats when you become vulnerable. Yet vulnerability will NEVER mean that you're weak. Yes, you may have made the wrong choice by letting someone in your life who uses you as an ego booster yet by participating in it, you forced yourself to get involved. My tip: let go. Let go of anyone who isnt going to be there for you when you really need them! When i told my frenemy that someone close to me had died, i got ZERO reaction. It was then and there that i realized i was dealing with a frenemy. Frenemies arent evil most of the time, they're simply dealing with too much of their own bagagge to be able to be a true friend to you.
This is why you should let your frenemy go and shut the door. They will never be the ones to hold your hand through a sad movie or make you laugh when you fail. You need to accept that they simply cant be who you need them to be at that moment and that maybe you will never be to them what they need you to be.
What is a frenemy? A frenemy is someone you would consider a friend, yet who will never be a true friend to you. A frenemy makes you feel bad about yourself, uses you to make themselves feel better and will do anything to sabotage you, even indirectly, if it serves them any purpose.
Sure, there are the friends who you cry infront and there are the friends you cant even bring yourself to allow uncensored access to your Facebook profile (admit it, you do that too!!), yet where does the frenemy fit in? The problem with Frenemies is, that they DONT fit in any category. They're like the pretty girl in high school you wanted to hate because she was beautiful and smart but you couldnt because she also happened to be charming and funny.
A frenemy can pop up at any time, unanounced and smack you right in the balls. Its not pretty. Why am i writing about them? Because i have recently figured out that someone i thought a true friend, a supporter and a tutor turned out to be nothing more than a scham. Having someone talented, funny and exhilarating turn to be a frenemy is hurtful and makes you question your decisions and choices.
Ive been questioning my judgement- usually im ever so careful about who i let into my life because i dont want to be hit in the face at every chance one gets. Yet with this person, amybe i let my guard down too quickly- thats when you become vulnerable. Yet vulnerability will NEVER mean that you're weak. Yes, you may have made the wrong choice by letting someone in your life who uses you as an ego booster yet by participating in it, you forced yourself to get involved. My tip: let go. Let go of anyone who isnt going to be there for you when you really need them! When i told my frenemy that someone close to me had died, i got ZERO reaction. It was then and there that i realized i was dealing with a frenemy. Frenemies arent evil most of the time, they're simply dealing with too much of their own bagagge to be able to be a true friend to you.
This is why you should let your frenemy go and shut the door. They will never be the ones to hold your hand through a sad movie or make you laugh when you fail. You need to accept that they simply cant be who you need them to be at that moment and that maybe you will never be to them what they need you to be.
Der 50kg Fluch
In einer Welt in welche nichts mehr zählt als unser Aussehen und unsere Kleidergrösse ist ein neuer Trend herangewachsen: Back to Basics. Frauenmagazine wie "Brigitte" verweigern sich den Magermodels und engagieren bzw. casten nur natürliche Frauen von der Strasse. So weit so gut. Auch ich als Fashionista bin dafür, dass man dem Magerwahn den Riegel vorschiebt und sich wieder auf die Ebene der Supermodels der 90-Jahre mit Brust und Po begiebt. Was mich jedoch mehr als schockiert ist dass dieser Trend jetzt von einigen dazu genutzt wird, hinterrücks gegen schlanke Frauen zu schiessen.
Als schlanke Frau, welche regelmässig Sport treibt und gesund isst, habe ich es satt mich dafür zu rechtfertigen warum ich schlank bin. Möchten sie die einfache Antwort? Ich fühle mich dick nicht wohl. Ich bewundere Frauen, welche sich in jeder Körperform schön und attarktiv finden, jedoch fühle ich mich in meiner Grösse 34 pudelwohl. Warum also muss ich mich nun dafür entschuldigen? "Du bist ja vielleicht dünn, hast du eine Esstörung?" ist nur einer der Sätze, mit welchen schlanke Frauen heutzutage drangsaliert werden. Kommt dann aber ein beherztes "Oh, du bist aber fett, hast du ein Wombat gegessen?" zurück muss man sich gleich teeren und federn lassen denn "Man ist zu dicken nicht gemein!" Man sollte niemanden aufgrund seiner Körperform be- und verurteilen, jedoch hat dieser Grundsatz anscheinend nur bei den fülligeren Bürgern gefruchtet. Sobald man dünner ist (1.70m bei 50kg) als eine duchschnittliche Verkäuferin einer Fast Food Kette (1.60m bei 70 kg) ist man plötzlich abnormal. Triste monde tragique!
Neulich war ich in einem Kaufhaus auf der Suche nach einer schwarzen Hose. Gesagt getan und schon landeten 3 Hosen, Grösse 34, in meiner Umkleidekabine. Schreck oh Schock! Als ich sie anprobierte hingen mir zwei Modelle unförmig von den Hüften und in die Dritte hätte eine weitere junge Dame gepasst. Auf die Frage der Verkäuferin: "Und wie haben sie gepasst?" antwortete ich mit einem frustrierten "Sie sind zu gross!". Daraufhin erklärte sie mir, dass man nun Europaweit die Kleidergrössen nach oben schrauben würde- d.h eine Grösse 36 wird neu zu einer Grösse 34... Damit man den fülligeren Kunden ein besseres Körpergefühl gäbe.
Pause for reaction.
Was soll das? Aus welchem Grund muss man Leuten, die sich seit eh un je in den Bereichen der Grösse 44 aufwärts befanden nun weiss machen dass sie eine Grösse 38 sind??? Was noch viel schlimmer ist- jetzt müssen die Frauen, welche eine 34 tragen, neu in der Abteilung für Jugendliche einkaufen- Mickey Mouse T-shirts inklusive. Um einem Teil der Bevölkerung zu gewinnen, diskiminiert man einen anderen auf schändlichste Weise. Jemand der 250kg auf die Waage bringt wird nich um 60kg leichter nur weil man ihm vorgaukelt er habe jetzt Grösse 44 statt 48! Man belügt den Kunden um den Absatz zu steigern!
Jeder Mensch ist schön auf seine Art und Weise- egal was die Mode gerade diktiert. Rubens wollte seine Frauen 300kg schwer, während im Heroin Chic die Models nicht dünn und hager genug sein konnten. Das Idealbild eines Menschen wird sich stetig ändern, jedoch sollte die Industrie aufhören, ihre Kunden durch Lügen stärker an sich zu binden und so die Verkaufszahlen in die Höhe zu treiben.
Europas Kleiderfürsten solten sich ein Beispiel an den Vereinigten Staaten nehmen: Dort gibt es in jedem Kaufhaus eine Abteilung "Big is beautiful" für grösse 44 aufwärts, genauso wie eine Abteilung "Petite" für die Schmaleren unter uns. Es sind die gleichen Modelle, die gleichen Stoffe und Schnitte, nur angepasst an die Bedürfnisse des jeweiligen Lagers. Doch bevor dieses wirklich wundervolle Konzept in der Servicewüste Europa einhalt findet, werden sich fülligere unter uns darüber freuen, dass sie neu eine Jeans in Grösse 36 tragen können, während die ehemaligen Grösse 36 Trägerinnen in schwedischen Modehäusern zwischen 6 Jährigen Prinzessinen Mickey Mouse T-shirts mit pinken Leggins suchen.
Vive la mode!
Als schlanke Frau, welche regelmässig Sport treibt und gesund isst, habe ich es satt mich dafür zu rechtfertigen warum ich schlank bin. Möchten sie die einfache Antwort? Ich fühle mich dick nicht wohl. Ich bewundere Frauen, welche sich in jeder Körperform schön und attarktiv finden, jedoch fühle ich mich in meiner Grösse 34 pudelwohl. Warum also muss ich mich nun dafür entschuldigen? "Du bist ja vielleicht dünn, hast du eine Esstörung?" ist nur einer der Sätze, mit welchen schlanke Frauen heutzutage drangsaliert werden. Kommt dann aber ein beherztes "Oh, du bist aber fett, hast du ein Wombat gegessen?" zurück muss man sich gleich teeren und federn lassen denn "Man ist zu dicken nicht gemein!" Man sollte niemanden aufgrund seiner Körperform be- und verurteilen, jedoch hat dieser Grundsatz anscheinend nur bei den fülligeren Bürgern gefruchtet. Sobald man dünner ist (1.70m bei 50kg) als eine duchschnittliche Verkäuferin einer Fast Food Kette (1.60m bei 70 kg) ist man plötzlich abnormal. Triste monde tragique!
Neulich war ich in einem Kaufhaus auf der Suche nach einer schwarzen Hose. Gesagt getan und schon landeten 3 Hosen, Grösse 34, in meiner Umkleidekabine. Schreck oh Schock! Als ich sie anprobierte hingen mir zwei Modelle unförmig von den Hüften und in die Dritte hätte eine weitere junge Dame gepasst. Auf die Frage der Verkäuferin: "Und wie haben sie gepasst?" antwortete ich mit einem frustrierten "Sie sind zu gross!". Daraufhin erklärte sie mir, dass man nun Europaweit die Kleidergrössen nach oben schrauben würde- d.h eine Grösse 36 wird neu zu einer Grösse 34... Damit man den fülligeren Kunden ein besseres Körpergefühl gäbe.
Pause for reaction.
Was soll das? Aus welchem Grund muss man Leuten, die sich seit eh un je in den Bereichen der Grösse 44 aufwärts befanden nun weiss machen dass sie eine Grösse 38 sind??? Was noch viel schlimmer ist- jetzt müssen die Frauen, welche eine 34 tragen, neu in der Abteilung für Jugendliche einkaufen- Mickey Mouse T-shirts inklusive. Um einem Teil der Bevölkerung zu gewinnen, diskiminiert man einen anderen auf schändlichste Weise. Jemand der 250kg auf die Waage bringt wird nich um 60kg leichter nur weil man ihm vorgaukelt er habe jetzt Grösse 44 statt 48! Man belügt den Kunden um den Absatz zu steigern!
Jeder Mensch ist schön auf seine Art und Weise- egal was die Mode gerade diktiert. Rubens wollte seine Frauen 300kg schwer, während im Heroin Chic die Models nicht dünn und hager genug sein konnten. Das Idealbild eines Menschen wird sich stetig ändern, jedoch sollte die Industrie aufhören, ihre Kunden durch Lügen stärker an sich zu binden und so die Verkaufszahlen in die Höhe zu treiben.
Europas Kleiderfürsten solten sich ein Beispiel an den Vereinigten Staaten nehmen: Dort gibt es in jedem Kaufhaus eine Abteilung "Big is beautiful" für grösse 44 aufwärts, genauso wie eine Abteilung "Petite" für die Schmaleren unter uns. Es sind die gleichen Modelle, die gleichen Stoffe und Schnitte, nur angepasst an die Bedürfnisse des jeweiligen Lagers. Doch bevor dieses wirklich wundervolle Konzept in der Servicewüste Europa einhalt findet, werden sich fülligere unter uns darüber freuen, dass sie neu eine Jeans in Grösse 36 tragen können, während die ehemaligen Grösse 36 Trägerinnen in schwedischen Modehäusern zwischen 6 Jährigen Prinzessinen Mickey Mouse T-shirts mit pinken Leggins suchen.
Vive la mode!
Dienstag, 23. März 2010
Home is...
My biography will commence something along the lines of: She was born in Germany, moved to Switzerland at the age of ten, aquired two nationalities and lost any sense of the notion "home".
Hallmark greetingscards often claim "Home is where the heart is"... yet what if your heart cant pinpoint "Home" anymore?
Having grown up in the environment of the International School of Geneva, i lost the meaning of nationality. Sure, my friends came from Sweden, Norway, the USA or Tanzania but it never mattered where one was from. Friendships formed between people of any nationality and religion. Boundaries, as they exist in the minds of may, ceased to exist.
Following graduatio, i moved to the german part of Switzerland and began my carreer as a law student. And everything changed. I speak four languages fluently- yet Swiss-german is not one of them. During my time at school, we all spoke english or french, thus creating a common ground. One could never tell where you were from when you opened your mouth. All this has changed. Now, i simply need to say "Good Morning" and i am confronted with "oh, you're forgein..." Most of the time, its not meant in any offensive way, yet there are times i can tell that there is more than meets the eye.
I have a swiss passport, i can cook fondue and i know how the country works, who runs it and when the national holidays are- yet i will never be swiss enough. There will always be something about me that is "too German". At the same time, when i go back to Germany, i feel lost. I can no longer relate to half the things people are saying- ive been gone for too long. And this is where the story beginns:
Is this feeling of homelessness all a part of growing up in a world ruled by Erasmus and cultural exchange? Hardly. Spending a semester or a year abraod cannot in any shape or form be compared to what it is like growing up in the world of the "3rd culture children". The term "3rd culture children" refers to young people who have grown up in the international environment, have travelled the world, own several passports and have more frequent flyer miles than most people have on their bank accounts. Having to move every four years or having your friends change as regularly as some governments makes for a rocky childhood- no matter how privileged you are.
Having a place to call home gives you a sense of security, of knowing where to go when the going gets rough. However, not everyone has such a place. Just think of all those who have been persecuted and arrested. Over the past few years, ive been desperately trying to create a home by force. Yet at the end of the day i have come to realize that for me, home is not one specific place, but a feeling. Its the feeling of stepping off the airplane in New York where the air is vibrant, its roaming the streets of cities such as Berlin, where creativity is unlimited and freedom is more palpable than anywhere else.
Home is where freedom lies.
Hallmark greetingscards often claim "Home is where the heart is"... yet what if your heart cant pinpoint "Home" anymore?
Having grown up in the environment of the International School of Geneva, i lost the meaning of nationality. Sure, my friends came from Sweden, Norway, the USA or Tanzania but it never mattered where one was from. Friendships formed between people of any nationality and religion. Boundaries, as they exist in the minds of may, ceased to exist.
Following graduatio, i moved to the german part of Switzerland and began my carreer as a law student. And everything changed. I speak four languages fluently- yet Swiss-german is not one of them. During my time at school, we all spoke english or french, thus creating a common ground. One could never tell where you were from when you opened your mouth. All this has changed. Now, i simply need to say "Good Morning" and i am confronted with "oh, you're forgein..." Most of the time, its not meant in any offensive way, yet there are times i can tell that there is more than meets the eye.
I have a swiss passport, i can cook fondue and i know how the country works, who runs it and when the national holidays are- yet i will never be swiss enough. There will always be something about me that is "too German". At the same time, when i go back to Germany, i feel lost. I can no longer relate to half the things people are saying- ive been gone for too long. And this is where the story beginns:
Is this feeling of homelessness all a part of growing up in a world ruled by Erasmus and cultural exchange? Hardly. Spending a semester or a year abraod cannot in any shape or form be compared to what it is like growing up in the world of the "3rd culture children". The term "3rd culture children" refers to young people who have grown up in the international environment, have travelled the world, own several passports and have more frequent flyer miles than most people have on their bank accounts. Having to move every four years or having your friends change as regularly as some governments makes for a rocky childhood- no matter how privileged you are.
Having a place to call home gives you a sense of security, of knowing where to go when the going gets rough. However, not everyone has such a place. Just think of all those who have been persecuted and arrested. Over the past few years, ive been desperately trying to create a home by force. Yet at the end of the day i have come to realize that for me, home is not one specific place, but a feeling. Its the feeling of stepping off the airplane in New York where the air is vibrant, its roaming the streets of cities such as Berlin, where creativity is unlimited and freedom is more palpable than anywhere else.
Home is where freedom lies.
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