Its another week full of questiosn to be answered Cavenders!
After having spent a weekend in the midst of all my fabulous friends, i was struck by one particular question: When are you cheating?
Relationships are supposedly built on trust and committment- yet what is the line that distinguishes harmless flirting from full on cheating?
A friend of mine had recently begun writing e-mails with a guy she met at a bar- flirty e-mails, filled with whit and humour. She didnt mention to Mr. Vodka-Martini that she was, in fact, in a relationship. Does the mere fact that you dont mention your partner right away constitute cheating? To be honest, i am sick and tired of people saying "i have a boyfriend/ girlfriend" when all you wanted to do is ask for a light. However, when engaging in cute e-mails with a stranger, should you mention your other half? If its going to stay with the whitty banter is there any reason to mention them at all?
The situation gets more complicated with my other friend who has recently met someone who has "relit his spark" after he had been in a stable relationship for some time. He didnt stick to the smart and funny e-mails- he got involved in some kissing action. This is where you part the sea: is kissing already cheating? When involved in a relationship for some time, inevitably, the spark can go to low-flame. A recent piece in the wonderful ELLE Magazine actually asked the question whether we were to quick to let go of our relationships? When the spark we once felt when looking at our partner only gives the odd "pop" is it time to go your own way or should you find a way to relight the flame you once had?
My friend actually realized, after the kissing inccident, that the woman no longer interested him- it had been all about the chase. Those wild feelings when you ask yourself whether he will call and when a wink or a smile from the other person can make or break your day. He had found the excitement of those first few dates exhilerating- and exhileration missing from a couple who had been once around the block. New people are exciting and can make your "old" flame look tranished. However, once you've conquered what you've coveteing, you realize that- having it makes it boring. Its lost that special "i need to fight for it" aura.
We constantly crave what we dont have, only to realize that having it means nothing. It is the chase, the anxiety of the unknown, the thrill of the work you have to put into it- yet once all that is over, its like all the other things you already have. It looses its excitement.
The question remaining is: should you tell the other person?
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