All cried out

Ive recently begun to think about the way that negative things affect my life. When i am in situations which make me feel small and unimportant, i put on my armour and i battle it out. Right then and there. I pull down the viser and off we go.

What makes me think, however, is what comes after. What comes once the direct confrontation is over and we lie in our bed and contemplate the events of the day?

Im someone who refelcts on things long after they have passed. I can spend hours contemplating the events of the days past and whenever a moment passes which made me feel bad about i cringe. I get this terrible feeling in my gut that grips me and wont let me go. I then need to go out and run for an hour- i literally need to run away from the feelings i have.

When we overhtink the past, we tend to add things to make it worse. We add emotions, moods and visions into the past that really werent there to begin with. When we relive these moments, we falsify them. Often, this is to our complete disadvantage- Whenever i remind myself of some situations, i have to cry out "OMG im SUCH a fool" or "How stupid am I??". We condescend ourselves and make us feel even worse.

In recent times, i've learnt something. If i keep these feelings inside and run away from them, they will follow me. They wont be 100% present, but they will sit there- waiting patiently until I no longer think of them and then they will crawl up on me and eat me. And they will continue to do so until i tell them to stop! So, ive begun to cry. Yes, im a grown woman and I cry. I cry when the feelings overwhelm me and i hve no place left to go because they follow me. Funny thing is, once ive cried, the feelings go. They find some other place to stay- maybe Maui, who knows?

Ultimately, we cannot run away from our feelings of insecurity and self-loathing- we can only make them worse. So: face them, fight them and then cry. Cry it out loud.