Who is to blame?

Due to recent events I have had to wonder who is to blame when things don’t go the way they are supposed to.

In life, we frequently have a plan how things are supposed to work out for us. However, life is unpredictable and often hits us in the face by doing the exact opposite of what we intend for it to do. Who do you blame?

Some blame primarily themselves or place the blame on others, while others again tend to blame circumstance. I believe that there are moments when its right to blame circumstance-when you know that you did EVERYTHING in your power to make things work. There are times when your work and your input simply don’t make the cut. Then you can only blame your surroundings. Yet, what if your input wasn’t as strong as it could have been? Should you blame just yourself? Or should you be able to leverage some of the blame on others?

The case, which I find most intriguing, is when others blame you without you having anything to do with what you’re taking the blame for. Is there a point in arguing when the other side sees only what they want to see?

They are what I like to call the eternal victims. Every mistake they make is blamed on Bob, Billy, Jennifer or the circumstances. Funny enough, when something amazing happens to them, it was ALL their work… They blame failure on others while busily collecting the fruit of the labour done by others. The great thing about playing the victim is that it takes a whole lot of responsibility off your back- the awful thing dealing with one is that all that responsibility is dropped on you. The challenge continues because no matter how hard you argue, the victim will never see that they are in the wrong, because that would mean they’d have to take responsibility. Ick! There are moments when we gladly take the blame for someone close to our hearts. Nonetheless, there is a moment when to step on the breaks. You cant spend your life covering up for others- you cant always take the bullets which are rightfully intended for someone else, because its going to make you sick.

The question of blame ultimately leads to the question of responsibility. Those who are to blame are the ones responsible. Sometimes, responsibility is a scary thing because it means that you might have to change something in your life plan. Yet, at the end of the day, taking responsibility for your actions enables you to grow into a stronger person. Once you accept that there are things, which are in fact your fault, you grow as an individual.

So maybe its time you take the blame.

The Quest

I was recently reminded of a fundamental question which my all-time heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, once posed: Can you have it all?

People are constantly searching for the perfect job, the perfect partner and the perfect friends, yet is there such a thing as being able to have it ALL? Or is the quest for the perfect threesome simply a way to distract ourselves from what we really have?

I have a charming friend who had amazing jobs, a killer social life, yet no girlfriend. He was constantly complaining that he didn’t have that special someone in his life and that his life was worthless. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he did have an amazing career and friends who were supportive and fun. When I recently engaged in a power lunch with him he happily informed me that he had now found the perfect woman for him. So he had it all. Not quite- he then went on to tell me that his professional life was falling to pieces; all of a sudden. So as soon as he got himself his damsel in distress, he lost his career. Karma?

In life, we are drilled to go higher, faster and better with each single step. We are taught that there is no limit to the sky; that we are to soar higher than anyone before us. From childhood on, we are taught that we NEED to have it all in order to be someone. What happens then is that this idea gets installed in our heads and we feel like failures when we don’t have it all. People who have amazing careers and wonderful friends despair over a girlfriend. Beautiful couples go insane over the perfect job, people with loving friends search for boyfriends to make them complete. When did we stop seeing the big picture? Just because you don’t have a dream job doesn’t mean your worthless, not having a partner doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. This quest for perfection has turned us into maniacs who forget the most important thing: WE ARE NOT PERFECT so HOW can we expect to live a perfect life. Perfection is an awful concept because it’s unattainable. Look at celebrities like Sandra Bullock: beautiful, talented with a cheating husband. Marilyn Monroe: Stunning yet so lonely. Or take my favourite designer, Marc Jacobs: amazing career, talent, cute boyfriend yet a past with drugs. None of these talented and amazing people were perfect yet they manage to take their assets and turn them into something amazing.

We need to stop trying to achieve the unachievable and let go of striving for perfection because, imagine what would happen IF we ever manage to reach it: we can only go down from there! Stop trying to perfect yourself and accept yourself with all of your shortcomings- you may not be supermodel height, yet you’re still beautiful. You may not have a boyfriend but you’re the one your friends rely on. You may not be editor in chief of the wonderful InStyle yet the readers of your communal newspaper love your short stories.

We may never be able to have it all, but we are able to have all that really matters!